"Go the F*ck to Sleep" by Adam Mansbach says what most parents are thinking

My 4 1/2 doesn't need much sleep, and his oldest sister, who is now nearly 18, has always been prone to bouts of insomnia. I've probably chanted some variation of the title of Adam Mansbach's new book, "Go the F*ck to Sleep," silently to myself countless times for more than a decade.

As you can tell from the title, this is not a children's book, in spite of the gorgeous illustrations by Ricardo Cortes (who, like Mansbach, grew up in Newton, Mass., and whom Mansbach was friends with in high school and college. (Full disclosure: I worked for years with Mansbach's father, who is an editor at The Boston Globe, though he's not the one who told me about the book.)

After Mansbach gave a reading at the Fourth Wall Arts Salon in Philadelphia on April 23, pre-orders of the book, which was then slated for publication in October, skyrocketed. A PDF was leaked online, and within days it was number 2 on Amazon's best-seller's list with more than 100,000 copies pre-ordered—all months before the book was even available. The small publisher moved the publication date to this week, with a launch at the New York Public Library. The day before, I had a chance to chat with Mansbach about the publishing phenomenon his book has become. You can read my interview with Adam Mansbach over at Yahoo! Shine.

Like the book, this video of his reading in Philadelphia is not meant for little kids (it's probably safe for work if you have a good set of ear phones, though), but it's definitely worth checking out, as is the Amazon.com Audiable version of "Go the F*ck to Sleep" with Samuel L. Jackson (of "Pulp Fiction" fame) narrating.

While I've been saying that this is the book many parents may wish they themselves had written, my friends at Babble.com bring up an excellent point. Though plenty of women relate to the idea behind the book, author Amy Sohn asks, "What if a mom had beaten a dad to the punchline and published a book called Go the F*ck to Sleep?" The consensus is that the reaction probably wouldn't have been pretty:

Apparently, even though we’re in this age of How Much Parenting Sucks and How Hard It Really Is, the Good Mother archetype still reigns supreme. As Connors puts it, “Any woman that exposes the uglier side of parenting or even humorously disparages motherhood gets a lot of blowback. There’s this powerful idea that mothers should be good. Dads are not held to that same standard so they have more leeway to be irreverent and dark and ridiculous.” All those voices ‘fessing up on the Internet for the past decade haven’t changed much about mothers’ perceptions of themselves and each other. “In the view of most readers,” says Babble contributor John Cave Osborne, “it’s OK for a dad to write a book like Go the F*ck to Sleep but not a mom. People think a clueless or inept dad is funny. That shtick still works, even though dads have come a long way since Ward Cleaver.”

Check out the video, read my post at Shine, and decide for yourself: Is humor simply humor, no matter who writes it? Or does the book work because it plays into our preconceived notions of what a dad can or can't handle?

Who wants to live semi-happily ever after?

Earlier this week, I had the opportunity to interview historian Pamela Haag, author of "Marriage Confidential: The Post-Romantic Age of Workhorse Wives, Royal Children, Undersexed Spouses, and Rebel Couples Who Are Rewriting the Rules," for a story about the decline of marriage in the United States. The story, "Are you stuck in a semi-happy marriage?" is up on the main Yahoo.com homepage right now, and is generating an interesting discussion (1,140 comments so far).

Click on the picture to read "Are you stuck in a semi-happy marriage?" at Yahoo.com.

You can read the entire article on Yahoo.com but, as always, there was a lot more to the interview than what ended up in the finished piece. Here's the rest of the story:

Not head over heels for Pearson's "I Think I Love You"

We all remember what it's like to fall in love for the first time, not with a peer, but with someone out of reach, a celebrity or a superhero. In her second novel, I Think I Love You, author Allison Pearson does a great job capturing the giddiness of a 13-year-old girl's crush on pop icon David Cassidy -- probably because The Partridge Family star was her own first crush -- but stumbles when it comes to fleshing out the other characters and weaving together the storyline.

I reviewed I Think I Love You this week for The Boston Globe, and while I could identify with some of what the 13-year-old main character, Petra, was going through as she navigated adolescence, Pearson lost me about halfway through, when she jumped forward 25 years. I felt like I was reading two books: A charming story about an innocent crush and a clunky but still charming story about a woman approaching mid-life. But together? I didn't fall in love.

Here's the review that appeared in Sunday's Boston Globe:

Books to help young kids handle their problems

Bullying is the big news right now, but kids face a host of other problems that they're not always willing to talk to their parents about -- or that their parents simply don't know how to handle instinctively. These books are geared for younger children, but they're good jumping-off points for conversations with older kids as well.

True Prep: Relax, Muffy, you're going to be just fine

Click over to Boston.com to read my review of "True Prep: It's a Whole New Old World," which was published in The Boston Globe yesterday. It was a fun read for me, given my own preppy upbringing. (I lost most of my preppy street cred when I went to Syracuse and then became a journalist who doesn't write about banking or celebrities. On the other hand, while I stopped playing field hockey long ago, I do still fence, so maybe I've maintained a tiny bit of a preppy pedigree, after all?)

"True Prep," written by Lisa Birnbach (with great illustrations by designer Chip Kidd -- yes, that's his real name), is the follow-up to "The Preppy Handbook," the guide to everything prep that Birnbach wrote 30 years ago. The update still helps the reader how to navigate (or avoid, if you're so inclined) the world of prep, and it's packed with facts, lists, interviews, and hilarious send-ups of what some might call Preppy Sacred, like the dress code.  My Top-Siders may be long gone, and I no longer own even a single LaCoste shirt, but I still have a thing for argyle, pearls, and other prep accessories. You can take the girl out of the world of prep, but I guess you can't completely take the prep out of the girl.

Here's the review:

TRUE PREP: It’s a Whole New Old World

By Lisa Birnbach, with Chip Kidd
Knopf, 248 pp., illustrated, $19.95

Preppy update: But what's new?
By Lylah M. Alphonse, Globe Staff

Growing up in Princeton, N.J., in the 1980s, my friends and I turned to “The Preppy Handbook’’ for advice on fitting in. We had the Top-Siders (laces permanently knotted), the wide-wale cords (jeans were against the dress code at school), and the Lacoste shirts (collars popped, of course). I’d go on, but I became a journalist and eventually lost my preppy pedigree.

It’s been 30 years since “The Preppy Handbook’’ came out, and times have changed. Or have they? Lisa Birnbach revisits all things prep — this time with designer Chip Kidd — in “True Prep: It’s a Whole New Old World,’’ offering guidance for a new generation of preppies and a handy reference for those seeking to become (or avoid) one.

First, let’s be clear: Preppy is a lifestyle. There’s a kernel of truth in the first chapter (“Manifesto: What’s it all about, Muffy?’’): “It’s about ease and confidence. It’s about fitting in when you do and even when you don’t.’’ Beyond that, though? “True Prep’’ is a hilarious send-up of the frills and foibles of the elite and privileged. It’s satire, of course, but it’s cringe-inducingly on target at times.

It’s a bewildering, technologically advanced world out there, but Muffy can take comfort in knowing that some things are still the same. The dress code for that newfangled casual Friday at work, for example, is only slightly different from a standard preppy Saturday; remove the impeccably dressed “portable child’’ from Mom’s — sorry, Mummy’s — grasp and substitute a briefcase for the tennis racquet and a coffee for the gin and tonic and dear old Dad is ready to go. Not-for-profit jobs are still more prep than private-sector jobs, because, as Birnbach points out, “Any job that has a vaguely helpful purpose is preppier than a job that is just about earning money. (Earning lots of money is fine but a little bit obvious and therefore embarrassing.)’’ And the cardinal rules of prep still hold true: No talking about money, all of the family photos go on the piano, fly coach unless someone else is buying the ticket.

Then again, a lot has changed. Polar fleece, though not a natural fiber, is nonetheless very appealing. The Wall Street meltdown forced people to question what it is that a banker does all day, and the guide offers one explanation. The tweens are texting at the kids’ table during dinner. And Mummy has many more options when it comes to finding her true calling (“Do I look like a docent in my cashmere twinset? I feel like one.’’)

Scattered liberally throughout “True Prep’’ are reams of real-life prep-world trivia: Who went to school where; a state-by-state guide to the best vintage stores in the United States (both Boston’s and Cambridge’s Second Time Around stores make the list); and recipes like “The Ultimate New Canaan Nibble’’ (Ritz crackers + cellophane-wrapped cheese slices + a dab of yellow mustard) for when the cook is away. Interviews with people who are unexpectedly preppy or who have had an impact in the world of prep, like David Coolidge, the Muslim chaplain of Brown University, and the Murray brothers of Greenwich, Conn., who started the necktie company Vineyard Vines, are truly interesting.

And wannabe preps know that this book can be your modern-day preppy bible: It has a master reading list, a guide to loafers and trench coats, suggestions for thank-you notes for all occasions, and even a fill-in-the-blanks eulogy that can be customized as needed. Muffy, I think you’re going to be just fine.

Review © Copyright 2010 Globe Newspaper Company.

Selena Gomez: "I think I'm fully aware of my audience"

Selena Gomez may be leaving Waverley Place, but she’s holding on to the magic for a little while longer.

With her 18th birthday coming up next week and her new film, Ramona and Beezus opening a day later on July 23, the Disney star says she doesn’t feel pressure to take on more adult roles. “No, not at all. I’m 18 years old and I play a 15 year old in this film, so I don’t feel pressure at all,” she said in an interview from Miami yesterday. “I think I’m fully aware of my audience and I’m still just a kid myself. I wouldn’t do a role I don’t feel comfortable doing or that my audience wouldn’t feel comfortable seeing.”

Putting your marriage first may be better for your kids

Many parents feel that they don't have time for their spouse because they're so busy taking care of their children -- and that's just the way it is once you have kids. But family coach and Episcopal minister David Code disagrees.

"Here's the biggest myth of parenting: The more attention we give our kids, the better they'll turn out," he says. "Where are the results? Studies show today’s parents spend more time with their kids, and yet today's kids don't seem happier, more independent or successful. They seem more troubled, entitled and needy."

The solution? It's the title of his new book: To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First.

"You might say that today's parents seem to be marrying their children instead of their spouses. The truth is, we often find it easier to be with our kids than our partners," Code points out. This seems child-friendly, but we don't realize we're using our kids as an escape from our spouses."

Code took the time to chat with me recently for a post at Boston.com's In the Parenthood column. He lives in State College, Pennsylvania, with his wife and two children, ages 10 and 8. "I've been a full-time writer since 2007, but at 3:08 when the kids get off the bus, I'm a full-time dad as well," he says. "I'm so glad this shift in roles has become socially acceptable, because it fits my career-oriented wife and me to a T."

Here's our entire Q & A; scroll down to the bottom for Code's four tips for making a good marriage even stronger.

An interview with artist Rufus Butler Seder

Rufus Butler Seder, 56, is the artist behind the New York Times best-selling books Gallop!, Swing!, and Waddle!, which showcase his amazing Scanimation artwork. His books capture the charm and motion of classic flip-art books -- you know, the ones where you fan through the pages in order to see an image move across them -- but without having to actually flip the pages.

Based in Arlington, Massachusetts, where he lives with his wife, Penny, and their cats, Buddy and Scout, Seder started off as a filmmaker before deciding to figure out a way to create pictures that move without using motors or electricity. I was lucky enough to be able to interview him for an article in The Boston Globe Magazine late last year -- click here or on the picture at left read it. The techonology Seder created is complex and fascinating; here's a bit more about it, plus the part of the interview that didn't make it onto the Globe Magazine page:

Book review: Cleaving by Julie Powell

When I'm not chasing children, freelancing, at the office, or at Work It, Mom!, I can usually be found in my kitchen. Cooking is my therapy; one of my old housemates likes to say that, when we were in college, he could tell what kind of a day I'd had based on what I was doing in the kitchen when he got home late at night. Baking cookies? Happy Lylah. Making a quick snack? Busy, with plenty of homework left to do. Making whipped cream by hand with a fork? Stay away.

My other favorite past time is reading. So when I was asked to review Julie Powell's latest memoir, "Cleaving: A Story of Marriage, Meat, and Obession," for The Boston Globe, I jumped at the chance. A book by a blogger about cooking? Yes, please! Here's my review:

December 13, 2009
Close to the bone
Unabashedly confessional, Powell’s latest embraces her obsession with butchering and another man

By Lylah M. Alphonse, Globe Staff

There’s nothing rational about obsession, and Julie Powell knows that she is a slave to hers - the man she’s having an affair with, D.

“I’m familiar with the landscape of addiction,’’ she writes in her new memoir, “Cleaving: A Story of Marriage, Meat, and Obsession.’’ “I recognize that I’ve built up a habit for him, no less real and physical than my habit for booze.’’ Married to her childhood sweetheart, Eric, she binges on D, becomes dependent, and goes into withdrawal when he cuts her off. She casts about for a distraction, fixates on butchering, and starts going door to door, asking butchers whether they’ll hire her as an apprentice. Fleisher’s, a small shop in the Catskills, takes her on, and she finds as much peace in the physically demanding work as she does in the camaraderie of the staff.

Of course, it’s not enough. It never is. That’s the thing about obsession.

Book review: Cleopatra's Daughter by Michelle Moran

When I find time to read, I usually reach for something that will either transport me to another world or give me a vivid look at someone else's life. Michelle Moran is one of my favorite authors, because her books do both, and more: Her meticulously researched novels are fiction based on fact, and time and again she artfully brings the past to life.

Cleopatra's Daughter is Moran's third novel set in ancient Egypt (and, later, Rome). As in Nefertiti (my review is here) and The Heretic Queen (click here for that review), the story is told from the point of view of a girl in transition. I reviewed Cleopatra's Daughter recently for the Boston Globe; here's what I thought of it:

November 24, 2009

History, epic intrigue in ancient Rome

By Lylah M. Alphonse, Globe Staff

Most people have heard about Cleopatra and Marc Antony: their epic love story, their heroics in battle, their dramatic deaths. But until now, little has been known about the equally dramatic lives of their children, who were left to the mercy of their father’s enemy, Octavian Caesar, after their parents’ deaths. Michelle Moran, author of “Nefertiti’’ and “The Heretic Queen,’’ revisits ancient Egypt to tell their story in her newest novel, “Cleopatra’s Daughter.’’

Twins Kleopatra Selene and Alexander Helios are brought to Rome in chains, still mourning the deaths of their parents and their younger brother, Ptolemy. Though paraded through the streets as part of Caesar’s Triumph, they are still considered Egyptian royalty and not officially enslaved, but their futures are uncertain, and they are subject to the whims of a coldly calculating Caesar and his vindictive wife, Livia. The twins grow up surrounded by secrecy and danger, witnesses to the brutality of Rome as seen from within a gilded cage of Caesar’s inner circle.

They find an unlikely protector in their new guardian, Octavia, sister of Caesar and the wife whom their father, Marc Anthony, abandoned in Rome in order to be with Cleopatra in Egypt. But even from the relative safety of her home, they discover that life in “the greatest city on earth’’ is shockingly grim compared with the one they left behind. “Even Thebes, which had suffered destruction at the hands of Ptolemy IX, was far more beautiful than this,’’ Selene thinks as she views Rome for the first time. “There was no organization, no city plan, and though buildings of rare beauty stood out among the brink tabernae and bathhouses, they were like gems in a quarry of jagged stone.’’

In Rome, slaves are maimed or crucified by the hundreds if a single one rebels; assassinations are common; newborns are left out in the cold to die; and women have little value, forced to send away their daughters and remarry if Caesar commands it. “When a girl is born, a period of mourning is begun. She is invisa [unseen], unwanted, valueless. She has no rights but what her father gives her,’’ the slave Gallia, a captured Gaelic princess, tells Selene, who quickly understands that the only way to save her life is to somehow become useful to Caesar.

Moran skillfully weaves into her latest book plenty of political history and detail without ever weighing down the story, which is fast-paced, intriguing, and beautifully written; a subplot about a mysterious “Red Eagle’’ who is trying to incite a slave rebellion is riveting. In “Cleopatra’s Daughter,’’ she once again demonstrates her talent for taking long-forgotten historical figures and bringing them vividly to life.

© Copyright 2009 Globe Newspaper Company.

Book review: Diary of an Urban Farmer

I fell in love with our house when I saw the huge eat-in kitchen. I looked past the hideous, dark-wood, 1970s-inspired "rustic country" decor and goldenrod-colored appliances and saw potential.

Similarly, my husband fell in love with the land. He looked past the overgrown vines and tumbled rock walls, focused in on the abandoned chicken coop in the back yard, and saw potential.

We've cleared space and planted gardens, but that chicken coop has just been sitting there, falling apart a little more each year, mostly because I've resisted the idea of really plunging in to urban (or, in our case, suburban farming). We don't have time. I certainly don't have energy. We can keep the dog away from the chickens, I'm sure, but what about the coyotes and fishers and foxes who call the woods behind out house their home?

Then I read Novella Carpenter's latest book, Farm City: The Education of an Urban Farmer. And now raising a few chickens in plenty of space seems pretty easy, compared to what she accomplished in the middle of a city. Here's my review, which ran in The Boston Globe recently:

October 9, 2009

Urban farmer establishes her roots

By Lylah M. Alphonse, Globe Staff

For many city-dwellers and suburbanites, being green and eating locally means having a patch of tomatoes out back or in containers on the deck, a few pots of herbs on the kitchen windowsill, and regular trips to the farmers’ market.

But not for Novella Carpenter. In “Farm City: The Education of an Urban Farmer,’’ she shares how she transformed a weed- and garbage-filled lot next to her second-floor walkup in GhostTown - a gritty section of downtown Oakland, Calif. - from an urban wasteland to a full-fledged farm. What started out as a few raised beds and a bee box on her balcony grew to include fruit trees, chickens (for eggs and for meat), ducks, turkeys, rabbits, and even a couple of 300-pound pigs, producing enough food to feed herself exclusively and supplement the meals of neighbors.

Urban farming isn’t a new concept, no matter how trendy it and the local food movement is just now. Carpenter points out that during the depression of 1893, the mayor of Detroit, Hazen Pingree, looked at the city’s abandoned lots and “wondered why the unemployed should not be allowed to cultivate food on them.’’ Three years later, potato patches flourished in Detroit, nourishing nearly half of all families seeking public relief in the city. New York, Philadelphia, and other cities soon developed vacant-lot farming programs of their own. The programs waned when times were good, Carpenter points out, but were revitalized during both world wars.

Carpenter isn’t the only one trying to grow food in the ghetto. “Ten blocks from my house, I found Willow’s farm and garden,’’ she writes of a fellow urban farmer whom she met at a neighborhood party. “The Center Street garden, just off 16th Street, burst with vegetables and fruit. A pen of ducks and chickens straddled the back of the property. A chayote, a vining squash, covered the entire front fence. Tall columns of peas stood guard near the gate, with strawberry plants at their feet.’’ The soil on the vacant lot where Willow farmed had been full of lead, but the fig and mulberry trees helped purify the soil. “The leaves, which pulled the lead out of the ground, were hauled to the dump. Every year, the soil was getting cleaner. The garden, then, was a giant remediation project.’’

A “poor scrounger with three low-paying jobs and no health insurance,’’ Carpenter
understands that she can’t really afford the high-quality meat and produce she craves. “Since I liked eating quality meat and have always had more skill than money, I decided to take matters into my own hands,’’ she writes. She buys a box of baby birds - two turkeys, 10 chickens, two geese, and two ducks - for $42 and starts raising them for dinner. This brings her to another turning point in urban farming: When the time comes to butcher Harold, her heirloom turkey, for Thanksgiving, she’s forced to deal with the gap between raising your food and cooking it.

An incredible stint in the kitchen of chef Christopher Lee’s restaurant, Eccolo, where she learns how to make classic Italian salumi and hams out of her own pigs, is a treat to read. “Farm City’’ is an eye-opener in many ways, leaving you grateful to Carpenter for sharing, in such detail, the real fruits of her labors.

FARM CITY: The Education of an Urban Farmer
By Novella Carpenter
Penguin, 288 pp., $25.95

Copyright 2009 Globe Newspaper Company.

The complex bond between mothers and daughters

My review of Because I Love Her, an excellent collection of essays written by authors including Rachel Sarah (of Single Mom Seeking), Joyce Maynard, and Tara Bray Smith, and edited by Andrea Richesin, came out today. Read the review, and then check out the book -- it's a wonderful prism of perspectives on the journeys women take in life, and the complex relationships they craft along the way. Here's an excerpt from my review:

August 29, 2009

All about the tie binding mothers and daughters

By Lylah M. Alphonse, Globe Staff

Mothers always tell their daughters to wait until they have kids of their own - then, they’ll really understand family dynamics. In “Because I Love Her,’’ 34 writers share their understanding as they explore and explain the complex bonds between mothers and daughters. Edited by Andrea N. Richesin, the essays are deeply personal, powerful, and poignant. They cover such a wide range of situations and raw emotions, readers are bound to find several that speak directly to their hearts.

“I love all of my children, of course,’’ Catherine Crawford remembers her mother saying in her essay, “A Well-Earned Soak,’’ “but I am just so thankful to have my girls.’’ For some, motherhood manifests itself like a hidden talent, blooming even before a baby is born. For others, though, it’s a struggle. The stories in this book illustrate both, and more. ...

Read the rest in The Boston Globe or online at Boston.com.

Nurturing relationships between siblings

Siblings: One minute they're best of friends, the next minute they're complaining that someone is looking at them/breathing their air/in their way.

As anyone with more than one child knows, bickering and competition between siblings is pretty much a given, no matter how old they are. When you're parenting across a wide age range, or in a very large family, those squabbles can be a near-daily occurrence.

Mary Ostyn, who blogs about her home life at Owlhaven, is an author and a homeschooling mother of 10 children, age 21 to 3, six of whom are adopted from Korea and Ethiopia. Eight of them still live at home. In a recent post on Boston.com's Child Caring blog, I asked her how she manages the inevitable squabbles.

"I usually give consequences to both children who fight, since it always takes two to fight, and it is usually hard for me to sort out who is more to blame," she told me. "In a case where blame is obvious, I'll assign that child to complete a job for the hurt child, which is a big deterrent. I also remind myself that sibling relationships are a long-term project. Most of us don't really appreciate our siblings until we are grown." Proof positive, she says, is seen in the way her oldest daughters developed a whole new appreciation for their younger brothers after some time away at college. "That gives me hope for the future with the younger ones," she says.

Mary's book, A Sane Woman's Guide to Raising a Large Family, was released this spring. "Don't be too discouraged if it seems to take years for sibling relationships to grow," she advises.

In her book, she describes some of the tactics she uses to quell disagreements and nurture relationships between her children. "Some kids have a hard time admitting their own part in a disagreement," she points out. "With a child like that, it is often more productive to ask the child to forgive than to say sorry. Saying sorry is an extremely difficult thing to do in the heat of anger."

Another tried-and-true method: Urging kids to just back off. "Disengage. Step back," Mary advises. It's "a perfect response for anyone when they're realizing a loved one is starting to lose it."

Having your older kids help out with your younger ones from time to time can enhance their relationship -- or, at least, teach the big kids a valuable lesson. "They learn to be more nurturing, and the little kids learn from the example of the bigger ones," Mary points out. "I also joke that having kids at different stages and maturity levels means that there's never a time where everyone is mad at me at once!"

You can read my entire interview with Mary at Work It, Mom!, or see a short review of her new book, A Sane Woman's Guide to Raising a Large Family, right here at Write. Edit. Repeat.

A Q&A with Mary Ostyn of Owlhaven, author of "A Sane Woman's Guide to Raising a Large Family"

Mary Ostyn, a work-at-home mom of 10 children and blogger at the ever-popular parenting and frugal-living blog Owlhaven, took some time to chat with me about parenting, juggling work and family, and her fantastic new book, A Sane Woman's Guide to Raising a Large Family.

A short review of her book is live at my Affordable Luxuries shopping blog, where I'm also hosting a giveaway. The book is geared for moms of many, but really is a wonderfully helpful, down-to-earth parenting guide for families with any number of kids. It is one of the very, very few parenting books on my short list. Click over to read the review, and be sure to enter the contest (it's easy -- just leave your best parenting hack in the comments, and I'll select a winner via Random Number Generator on Friday, May 22, 2009).

While you're at Work It, Mom!, be sure to read my interview with Mary, in which she talks about everything from the challenges of raising a large family, to her decision to adopt (two of her sons are from Korea, and four of her daughters are from Ethiopia). Here's an excerpt, to get you started:

Your family is unusual not just because of its size, but also because you and your husband chose to add to your family via adoption. What was the biggest hurdle you had to overcome in deciding to adopt?

My husband's first reaction to the idea of adoption was, "Are you nuts? We already have 4 kids!" It took awhile for him to decide that we really could do this and that it would enrich our lives. Once he decided to go forward, he never looked back. And the blessings have been greater than we could have even imagined.

How do you manage to juggle the needs of so many people without losing sight of any of them -- or of yourself?

Two keys for me are homeschooling and being a work-at-home mom. We are together for most of every day, which gives me more time to focus on the kids. My husband and I also try to "divide and conquer" whenever possible: We run errands or do projects or play games with a couple kids at a time, which gives us more time to interact with them. We also encourage kids to help each other. The parents are always the main nurturers, but it is really sweet to see a big brother help a little one with a math problem, or a big sister making cookies with a younger one. That kind of interaction enriches everyone. We don't get it perfect every day, but I think in the long haul we are doing okay. As far as finding time for myself, I'm a night owl -- I can often be found late at night writing on my blog or chatting on facebook with one of my grown up daughters.

Read the rest at Work It, Mom!

Treating autism: A primer on interventions

At Boston.com's Child Caring blog, I'm wrapping up my series for Autism Awareness Month with a primer on different treatments and therapies.

No one really knows what causes autism. A recent article in Science Direct indicates that children living near toxic waste seem more likely to have autism. Though the thimerosal/MMR vaccine theory has been debunked, many parents feel that the mercury-laced preservative is linked to their children's autism by triggering a toxic tipping point or otherwise damaging the immune system.

Last year, some studies showed a possible link between autism and certain metabolic dieases can be sensitive to vaccine toxicity, leading to some autism-like symptoms. And of course, there's the genetic link: “Autism is probably caused by many, many things, most of them genetic, and this is one of them,” mitochondrial expert Salvatore DiMauro of Columbia University and the author of a study of autistic individuals with mitochondrial disease, tells the Simons Foundation Autism Research Initiative.

With the autism rate on the rise, parents are turning to a number of different resources and interventions in the hope of finding a way to manage their children's autistic behaviors, improve their lives, and maybe find a way to help them heal. There's a great discussion about various methods going on in the comments section of the first post I wrote for Autism Awareness Month.
As with any medical condition, treating autism is not a do-it-yourself proposition, so please talk to your child's doctor(s) for more infomation and guidance. There are many options to look into when it comes to helping your child and alleviating some of the traditional symptoms.

Applied Behavior Analysis: ABA focuses on understanding how an individual's actions and skills are related to and affected by their environment, including social settings. The goal is to use various techniques, such as positive reinforcement, to encourage useful or desired behaviors while minizing harmful or negative behaviors. According to the Cambridge Center for Behavioral Studies, "ABA has been effective for teaching a vast range of skills to people with disabilities as well as to many other people in every setting in which people live, study and work."

There have been hundreds of published studies showing that certain ABA techniques can help individuals with autism learn specific skills, such as how to communicate, develop relationships, play, care for themselves, learn in school, succeed at work, and participate fully and productively in family and community activities, regardless of their age.

For more information on ABA, or on choosing a well-trained specialist, visit the New England Center for Children's resource page or the Cambridge Center for Behavioral Studies autism page.

The GFCF Diet and the SCD: Our 10-year-old son, who has Asperger's Syndrome, has been on a gluten-free and casein-free diet for about five years now (as recommended by several doctors, who still follow his treatment). It turns out he may have a genetic predisposition to gluten sensitivity, and instead of processing gluten properly, his gut leaks it out into his bloodstream, where it eventually acts like an opiate, plugging receptors in his brain and making him act loopy, spacy, and distant. Even now, five years later, it's easy to tell if he's ingested gluten -- the spaciness sets in within a day or two and he often ends up with stomach pain, which gradually disappears over the course of several weeks of being back on the diet.

Another option some doctors suggest is the Specific Carbohydrate Diet, or SCD. Based on chemistry, biology, and clinical studies, the diet allows or prohibits certain foods based on their molecular structure. Complex sugars and starches are not allowed, but simple ones -- think bananas, peas, and nuts -- are, because they do not need to be broken down by the digestive organs and, as such, do not tax the patient's already-damaged digestive system.

According to Pecanbread.com, a site devoted to the SCD: "The diet of early man is one of meat, fish, eggs, vegetables, nuts, low-sugar fruits, and certain oils. Starches, grains, pasta, legumes, and breads have only been consumed for a mere 10,000 years. Many people are not adapted to these types of foods yet."

There is a case to be made for a link between dietary intervention and a change in the severity of symptoms of autism. "If I were to put a gallon of milk in my car's gas tank, people would think that I was nuts," says nutritionist and autism advocate Mika Bradford, whose youngest son was diagnosed with autism about 10 years ago. "But when I suggested that what my son was eating affected his moods and behavior, I was belittled. We know that what we eat can affect our weight, blood-sugar levels, and how we feel. Dietary intake is directly related to medical conditions like Celiac disease and diabetes. Why would we diminish its role in other states of disease or behavioral diagnosis?"

Dr. Tim Buie, a pediatric gastroenterologist at Massachusetts General Hospital, has studied the connection between gastrointestinal issues and children with autism. On the Autism Network for Dietary Intervention website and at several conferences he's stated that he believes that many of the symptoms of autism are actually indicators that the child is in physical pain and unable to communicate about it. His study of more than 500 gastrointestinal endoscopies with biopsies on autistic children show that "more than half of these children had treatable gastrointestinal problems that ranged from moderate to severe including esophagitis, gastritis and enterocolitis along with the presence of lymphoid nodular hyperplasia."

Biomedical Invervention and Dietary Supplementation: There are a host of controversial interventions that hinge on removing toxins like heavy metals or supplementing the patient with things vitamins, minerals, or enzymes that the patient may not be producing on his own. The DAN (Defeat Autism Now) method combines biomedical, nutritional, and behavioral therapies to "recover" children with autism. The majority of mainstream doctors, however, do not recommend the DAN protocol, pointing out that "certain biomedical interventions, like chelation, are considered to be potentially dangerous," though the link between environmental factors, like toxins, and autism is becoming more accepted. Discover Magazine ran an article recently on biomedical intervention, in which Jill Neimark writes, "A vivid analogy is that the genes load the gun, but environment pulls the trigger," leading to an array of symptoms that need to be treated in the body as a whole, not just neurologically.

In Healing and Preventing Autism, Jenny McCarthy and Dr. Jerry Kartzinel detail several of the most popular supplements -- vitamin B12, digestive enzymes, fatty acids, Zinc, selenium, calcium, and probiotics, among many others -- in an easy-to-follow, conversational way (though the book seems more geared toward reassuring like-minded readers, rather than presenting the pros and cons of different interventions and theories).

I'm a mom and a journalist, not a doctor -- whatever methods people decide to explore in treating autism, it's imperative that treatment take place under the supervision of a qualified doctor or, in the case of ABA, a qualified, trained therapist. As with any medical condition, autism treatment is not a do-it-yourself project.

You can read the other posts in my series on Autism Awareness here

Inside the mind of a child with autism

Autism awareness: Resources that can help

Does my child have autism?

Book review: The Heretic Queen

As I've said before, I have a thing for historical fiction, and a thing for ancient Egypt. I was thrilled when I heard that Michelle Moran was working on a follow-up to her debut novel, Nefertiti. Her latest, The Heretic Queen, came out just a few months ago, and when I was finally able to pick the book up I discovered that I was completely unable to put it down.

My review of The Heretic Queen appeared in The Boston Globe on Saturday, and is online at Boston.com. Here's an excerpt:

The mortuary temple of Queen Nefertari is the largest and most awe-inspiring in Egypt's Valley of the Queens. On one wall her husband, the great pharaoh Ramesses II, wrote, "My love is unique and none can rival her. . . . Just by passing, she has stolen away my heart."

Around this real-life tribute, author Michelle Moran convincingly weaves an epic love story, a gorgeously detailed history lesson, and a gripping tale of political intrigue in her sophomore novel, "The Heretic Queen."

This story picks up a few years after her first novel, "Nefertiti," ends. Reviled by her people for her role in the near-ruin of Egypt and dubbed the Heretic Queen for turning her back on the traditional gods during her reign, Queen Nefertiti has been murdered; most of her family has perished in a suspicious fire. The sole survivor is her namesake niece, Nefertari, who lives in the shadows of the royal court, her family's contributions to the country stripped from the official records.

The orphaned princess is taken in by Pharaoh Seti I and becomes close friends with Ramesses II, the heir to the throne of Egypt. Her earliest memory sets the tone for rest of her life: "If the gods cannot recognize your names," an old priestess warns, "they will never hear your prayers."

Though accomplished, intelligent, and the niece of a queen, Nefertari is considered unfit to share the throne not only because of her family connections but also her resemblance to her disgraced aunt. "You know, he might have chosen you," a friend tells her, "if not for your family." Instead, the rising king marries Iset, the granddaughter of a harem girl, endangering Nefertari's position in the court. The power struggle for her future - and that of Egypt - begins.

Nefertari's rival isn't Iset as much as Iset's benefactor: the young pharaoh's aunt, Henuttawy, the beautiful and greedy high priestess of Isis who is using Iset as her own pawn in a complicated political game. Woserit, the high priestess of Hathor, and Henuttawy's sister, takes Nefertari under her wing, positioning her to win Ramesses's heart and rule Egypt as his queen.

But there are other obstacles to overcome, and one of them seems insurmountable: Though beloved by the pharaoh, Nefertari is reviled by his people because of her link to Nefertiti. Henuttawy capitalizes on this at every turn, accusing Nefertari of causing everything from a long drought to the death of Iset's firstborn, encouraging the people to turn on the young princess, trying to hang the label of heretic on her as well.

Like Moran's first book, "The Heretic Queen" is rooted in meticulous research; her fictional characters are based on actual people and historically documented facts, which makes the story resonate on many levels. Moran's careful attention to detail and her artful storytelling skills bring these people - pharaohs, princesses, and queens; petitioners, servants, and soldiers - to vivid life, imbuing ancient history with suspense and urgency.

© Copyright 2008 Globe Newspaper Company.

Jenna McCarthy, author of "The Parent Trip"

Over at Work It, Mom!, I sat down with author and mom of two Jenna McCarthy (at our respective computers, of course) to chat about her newly released book, The Parent Trip: From High Heels and Parties to Highchairs and Potties. Part memoir, part guidebook for new moms, her book is a hilarious look at the darker side of pregnancy and parenthood -- you know, the part the "experts" never seem to talk about.

Jenna McCarthy has been writing for magazines for 17 years, as a freelancer and as a staff member at publications including Seventeen, Mademoiselle, and Shape. "I’ve written for nearly 50 magazines, plus dozens of web sites and several anthologies. I also spent two years co-hosting the top radio show in Santa Barbara," she says. "Oh yeah, and I recently made two people, right in my body, practically from scratch. No wonder I’m exhausted half the time."

McCarthy lives in Santa Barbara, California, with her husband, Joe Coito, and their daughters Sophie ("5 going on 25; nickname: Hollywood," McCarthy quips) and Sasha, 3 1/2 ("And you'd better believe that half is key!") Her first book, The Parent Trip: From High Heels and Parties to Highchairs and Potties, was published this month. Part memoir, part guidebook for new moms, her book is a hilarious look at the darker side of pregnancy and parenthood -- you know, the part the "experts" never seem to talk about.

The Parent Trip is more than your average "I just had a baby, now what!?!" guide for new moms. Tell us a bit about how you came up with the idea for your book.

The first time I was expecting, I bought every book I could find on pregnancy. I learned a lot by reading them. (The placenta is edible! There’s even a name for the practice: placentophagia. This is good information to have!) But with all due respect to the authors of these very helpful and essential works, I wanted more. I knew that I might develop morning sickness (which now I know is a big, fat misnomer, by the way, because this particular breed of illness definitely does not wear a watch), but no one told me that I might take sudden and violent offense to the aroma of my couch while I was pregnant, or that I would hate my husband on a regular basis for no obvious reason. I had questions but no answers: Would sex ever be the same (assuming I could muster some enthusiasm for it in the first place)? Why are mothers so damned competitive? And would someone please tell me what the hell a Velboa Snuzzler is? I figured I couldn’t be the only woman who was stupefied by the mysterious but clearly established rules of motherhood. So I learned as I went -- and then I wrote a book.

What is your favorite part of the book?

I love the section about horrible children’s stories in “Mommy’s Dead.” I am constantly amazed at how lame and inappropriate so many kids’ books are. I joke at the end of that section that I’m going to have to write my own children’s books -- but it turns out, I wasn’t really joking. (I didn’t know this at the time.) I’ve already written the first one and I think it’s really fun. It’s being illustrated right now. It’s called My Very Own Fairy and it has a little of the funky edge that I love in the occasionally well-written kids’ book. My illustrator is phenomenal -- I can’t wait to see it.

What was the most difficult part to write?

Honestly, none of it! It’s my life, and I’m a writer, so it all just sort of tumbled out of me. I wrote this book because there were -- and are -- so many things about being a mom that I feel really strongly about, but couldn’t find a lot of validation for in print. I didn’t love every minute of being pregnant, and I really wanted a girl! I lied about how much weight I gained (and frankly people, it was none of your effing business so it’s your fault for asking), I sometimes resented my new role and, once in it, I tended to overreact. A lot. Women aren’t supposed to admit these things, but I can’t believe I’m the only one of us who thinks or feels them. If one woman reads my book and says, “Oh thank GOD I’m not the only one” it will have all been worth it.

There's one passage in The Parent Trip where you're trying to get back to work and you realize that you've somehow become the default caregiver. You detail how you went about hiring some help, but could you tell us how you dealt with the internal struggle that came along with the realization?

Let’s just say therapy helps! Seriously, I was not thrilled about having all of the responsibilities fall onto me. But I realized (and this was not new information, believe me) that I really do like to do and have things “my way,” and the only way that was going to happen was if I did them myself. This continues to be a bittersweet pill to swallow, but in the end I’m happier this way. There’s a lot of letting-go you have to do as a mom; the sooner you accept this fact, the less likely you’ll be to turn into a resentful hag. At least, I hope that’s the case.

Share your favorite tip for getting work done at home while you have your little girls underfoot.

Enlist as much help as you can, and lower your standards. The last part is really the only thing that works. And although I personally cannot stand television, it’s a lifesaver. Of course I wasn’t going to be one of “those moms” who plop their kids in front of the TV to get some work done, but seeing as I work, sometimes it has to be done.

What do you wish someone had told you before you became a mom?

That you can’t be a perfect mom because there really isn’t any such thing. That once you become a mom you are never, ever off the job -- not for 20 seconds, not even if you’re in Aruba and the kids are with your parents in Florida. That you’ll never be able to go to Aruba and leave your kids with your parents in Florida. That you’ll have your heart broken 25 times a day, and laugh 25 times more. That your priorities will shift so dramatically that having a flat stomach or “perfect” thighs really, honestly, won’t seem all that important. That you might find the smell of another tiny human being so totally intoxicating that it can make you dizzy. That those breasts you used to laugh at in National Geographic will suddenly, and seemingly overnight, appear in your bathroom mirror, attached to your body.

Tell us a few things that you never thought you'd do before you became a parent (and found yourself doing them).

There is not enough space on the entire web to detail all of the things I never thought I’d do as a mom, yet find myself doing on a daily basis. There’s a whole section on this in my book (“The 5 Second Rule and Other Disgusting Parenting Practices You Will Embrace”) that details many of them! Here’s the thing: Before you have kids, you have all of these ideas about how that will look. You judge other moms because you think you will never let your kid have a pacifier or a public tantrum or eat a Cheerio off the floor. And then you get there, and you realize sometimes your child’s happiness (or your sanity, or both) is more important than what “anyone else thinks.” Eureka!

What is most challenging for you about your work-life juggle?

Trying to be present with the girls -- and that means shutting off the CrackBerry, closing my email, not checking Facebook every five minutes -- and just being. It’s so easy to get caught up in all of that stuff because in the moment, so much of it truly feels important. It’s a constant struggle to remember what really matters.What's next on your life to-do list?More books! Lots and lots of books. More first-person parenting stuff, children’s books, eventually fiction. Spend more time with my kids. Remodel my bathroom. Get back into yoga. And hopefully, get a little sleep. But not the big, eternal kind. I’ve got too much to do.

Great City Guides for Kids

This company has been on my radar for a long time now, so I'm very pleased that I was finally able to feature them in yesterday's "Gearing Up" column! The ABC Travel Guides for Kids are part guidebook, part picture book, and just perfect for smaller kids.

June 1, 2008
City guides that kids (and parents) can love
Lylah M. Alphonse

It's a big world out there -- especially if you're little. With so much travel information geared for grown-ups, the ABC Travel Guides for Kids series stands out. The short, simplified guidebooks are filled with facts and photos of landmarks and must-see locations in a child-friendly format. Plus, the detailed index and a map on the back make it easy for parents to find the sights. There are six cities available -- Atlantic City, Baltimore, Boston, New York, Philadelphia, and San Diego -- and the guides cost $7.95 each online at amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, and target.com. For more information, go to kidstravelguides.com. [More]

Terry Pratchett Is Laughing All the Way to the Bank of Ankh-Morpork

There's not much of a backstory as to why I snapped up this book when it appeared on the Globe Book Editor's shelf; I adore British humor, and Terry Pratchet is one of the best.

December 20, 2007
In resonant 'Making Money,' author's wry wit is as good as gold

By Lylah M. Alphonse
Globe Staff

It's no secret that Terry Pratchett is funny. His novels are clever, wry, and insightful, and his fictional Discworld easily mirrors the real world on many levels. Until
recently, his books have remained an underground phenomenon in the United
States, but that changed with the release of "Thud!," which made its debut at
No. 4 on the New York Times bestseller list in 2005.

Now he's back with another book of political and social commentary disguised as satire. "Making Money" picks up where 2004's "Going Postal" left off. Our hero, Moist von Lipwig - former condemned prisoner, current head of the Ankh-Morpork Post Office, incorrigible con artist, and part-time thief - has revolutionized the mail system and turned stamps into a de-facto currency. Now, the city's tyrant, Lord Havelock Vetinari, wants him to rehabilitate the Royal Bank of Ankh-Morpork, which is in shambles. ... [More]

The Making of a Goddess

I have a thing for historical literature, and I have a thing for ancient Egypt, so reviewing Michelle Moran's new novel, Nefertiti, was the perfect opportunity to indulge both of my, well, things. Given the current interest in King Tut, it only make sense to learn a little more about a woman who was, in a manner of speaking, his stepmother. Here's my review of Nefertiti, which ran in the Boston Globe:

September 8, 2007

Historical novel breathes life into a legendary Egyptian queen

By Lylah M. Alphonse

A girl's quest for empowerment. A paranoid young king in search of immortality. Untrustworthy advisers, mutinous soldiers, and, of course, lust, greed, and betrayal. It's the stuff of legend, and author Michelle Moran weaves it all together spectacularly, crafting a novel about the making of not just a powerful queen, but a goddess. Even now, some 3,000 years after her death, her name is still familiar: Nefertiti.

This meticulously researched and richly detailed debut, "Nefertiti," is fiction grounded in fact. In 1351 BC, 17-year-old Prince Amunhotep becomes pharaoh after his older brother's sudden, mysterious death. His mother, Queen Tiye, chooses her 15-year-old niece, Nefertiti, to be his chief wife, but the girl, aghast by the way the pharaoh reaps the glory while the queen runs the country, wants more. "When I am queen," Nefertiti says, "it will be my name that lives in eternity."

The story is told from the point of view of Nefertiti's younger half sister, Mutnodjmet, a healer. It is much more than simply a love story, or the documentation of an epic political power play, or a tale about the relationship between two sisters. Written in a conversational, intimate style, the book draws the reader in effortlessly, making ancient Egypt accessible, and its inhabitants - and their flaws - familiar.

The young, new pharaoh is egomaniacal, unstable, and easily manipulated. Nefertiti takes full advantage of this, breaking traditions at every turn without regard to the consequences. When he turns his back on the traditional god, Amun, she joins him, stripping the priests of their power and leading the people in worship of a new sun god, Aten. She installs herself in the pharaoh's chambers to make him inaccessible to his other wives. She grants her favorite artist access to every part of her life, ensuring her celebrity. She agrees to allow the army leave Egypt's borders untended, ordering them instead to build temples and a new capital city in Aten's honor. "I stood frozen, stunned by the sprawling landscape dotted with pillars that pierced the sky," Mutnodjmet describes. "Thousands of builders groaned under the weight of heavy columns, hoisting them up with ropes. The columned courtyard of Aten's temple had been completed."

History has already told us what happens: Amunhotep changes his name to Akhenaten, in honor of his chosen god. Nefertiti gives birth to several daughters, while another of Amunhotep's wives give him sons - most notably, Tutankhamun. But Moran deftly fills in the gaps left by historians, taking their discoveries and using them to bring the ancient society to life. For example: A portrait found in the ruined city of Amarna shows Mutnodjmet standing to the side, her arms down, while the people around her are depicted embracing Aten; Moran saw this as a statement of Mutnodjmet's defiance of her sister, the queen, and tells her story accordingly.

Almost every character in the book is based on a historical figure, and Moran fleshes out their personalities beautifully, highlighting the teenage pharaoh's arrogance and paranoia, underscoring his queen's ambition and insecurity. When warned by one of his chief advisers that his new city has been built hastily and is not structurally sound, Akhenaten snaps, "What does it matter so long as the temple and the palace are built to last? The workers can rebuild their houses. And I want this city before I die." Nefertiti is never satisfied, even when her visage has been carved or painted onto every available surface in the city, even when Akhenaten hands her the symbolic crook and flail, crowning her pharaoh and co-regent of his kingdom.

Inspired by the distinctive bust of Nefertiti at the Altes Museum, in Berlin, Moran has created an engrossing tribute to one of the most powerful and alluring women in history.

© Copyright 2007 Globe Newspaper Company.