DIY natural African-American hair styles for Barbie. Plus: The Roundup

I've written before about my struggle with my own hair. It's super-curly (kinky-curly, really), and very long—when straightened, it falls almost to my waist. My daughter inherited her father's African-American hair; though it's never been cut in her entire 7-year-long life, it barely reaches her shoulders. I keep it in sleek, two-strand twists, with beads on the ends to give them that swingy weight she loves.


A generation ago, older women would have touched her twists and lamented over the "bad hair." Even now, people reach for my youngest son's bouncy curls and marvel at how "good" his hair is. Look at most of the brown-skinned dolls on the mainstream market, and you'll see this same idea reinforced: Disney's Princess Tiana and other fashion-forward dolls have classic Barbie hair, long and glossy and straight. Even Addy Walker, the African-American American Girl Doll who escaped from slavery in the 1860s, has
longer-than-waist-length, barely wavy hair.


If you want to give your girl a doll that's rocking a pair of puffs, twist-outs, or braids, you'll probably have re-style it yourself—and that's where this awesome post from Black Girls with Long Hair, by NikG of Beads, Braids, and Beyond, comes in. She takes a couple of standard Barbies—the "So In Style"Grace and Chandra dolls—and sets about transforming their long, straight tresses into bouncy, kinky, curls.

I've written about it over at Yahoo! Shine, but basically Grace went from the standard look (above), to this:





Comb out the curls, and you end up with an awesome Afro or Halo. Read the post at Shine ("A Barbie with natural-looking African-American hair") to find out how to do it yourself.


And now, The Roundup:

On Yahoo! Shine:

• Certain birth-control pills pose a greater health risk to women. Is yours on the list?
• Heinz offers foodies a fancier ketchup spiked with balsamic vinegar
• A Barbie with natural-looking African-American hair: How to make it yourself
• Obama moves to ease student-loan debt, but will the new measures really help?
• What would you ask Michelle Obama or Jill Biden? We're bringing your questions to the White House
• HPV vaccine now recommended for boys. Would you have your son get the shot?
• Does your guy suffer from the Man Flu?

On Work It, Mom!:

• How often do you undermine yourself?

On 4 Kids or More:

• Confessions of a clutter queen

Kids, parents, and stress: It's all connected. Plus: The Roundup

You may think you're doing a good job of shielding your kids from your anxiety and stress. But research shows that your children are probably picking up on it anyway—and it's affecting them, physically and emotionally, more than you could imagine.

Last week, I talked with David Code, the author of "To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First," about his new book, "Kids Pick Up on Everything." Research shows that kids can "catch" their parents' stress, overloading their systems until they act out or exhibit mental and physical illness, he says. "Stress is highly contagious between parent and child, even if the parent is unaware of his or her own anxiety."

I also chatted with parenting expert Lori Lite, a mother of three, author, and founder of the "Stress Free Kids," who told me that she believes that children can feel their parents stress and be adversely affected by it. "Children that do not know how to manage stress in a healthy manner will see it manifest in other areas like overeating, headaches, even anger," she says.

You can read my interviews with both experts over at Shine: "Can your kids catch your stress?" 'The research is fascinating and troublesome, but there is hope: By reducing your own stress levels, you can help to reduce your child's.

*   *   *

Things have gotten busy—so much so that I can't keep up with my posts at WriteEditRepeat! So let's try something new (for me): Every Monday, I'll try to posti highlights of what I worked on the week before. Here's what you may have missed last week:

On Shine:

• Dear Facebook: Enough, already. Our outrage can't keep up with your changes.
• Are we over the over-the-top kids' party?
• Don't Ask, Don't Tell is officially over. Have you ever been asked about your sexual orientation at work? 
• PETA to launch its own porn site. Pets vs. women?  
• Netflix creates "Qwikster," their DVD-only brand.

On Work It, Mom!:

• Judge: The law does not mandate work-life balance 

On Savvy Source for Parents

• Best-loved book nooks in Boston

 
On 4 Kids or More

• Moms and Dads of 4 or more: How do you do it?

In The Boston Globe

• Historic Salem, by day or by night

Office supplies to the (working mom's) rescue

My husband has all the fashion savvy in our family -- I'm more of an I-don't-care-as-along-as-all-of-the-important-bits-are-covered-ista. Which means that I'm much more likely than he is to discover a fashion disaster after I'm already at the office. But that doesn't mean I can't fix it.

A couple of years ago, I hemmed a pair of embarrassingly long pants while I was at my desk at work -- while I was wearing them. I am proud to say that did not accidentally sew my cuff to my sock (don't laugh, I've done it before) (oh, fine, go ahead and laugh, it's funny), and I still think it was an example of one of my finer moments in multitasking.

I happened to have planned ahead that time and brought a small sewing kit to work with me. But how often do I happen to have a sewing kit when a clothing conundrum strikes at work? Almost never, that's how often.

So, in general, it's office supplies to the rescue for me. Here are five ways that the stuff in your desk drawer can save the day -- and you don't have to be MacGyver to make it happen.

Office etiquette: How to treat your coworkers

When I started working at my main job, I was fresh out of college, younger than some of the interns, and perpetually worried about being taken seriously. So I made sure to dress a little more formally than I had to, kept my long hair up in a severe-looking bun, and was extra-careful about my work. But still, if I had a dollar for every time an older coworker asked me to copy, collate, or fetch something for them that first year, my 401(k) would be a whole lot bigger than it is now.

I remember a coworker who, back in the mid-1990s, told me that I reminded him of all the women who wouldn't date him when he was in college and treated me accordingly. Others asked me how I'd managed to get hired so young (no, nepotism was not involved, though hard work and luck and good advice were). I'd cringe a bit whenever someone asked me how old I was, not because it was an inappropriate question (though it is) but because I hated the way anything I did after that would be judged and downgraded.

Hypersexualized kids? Study says don't blame the media

A study published online in Developmental Psychology suggests that, while there is a link between hypersexualized kids and overtly sexual content on TV and in music, magazines, and movies, it isn't necessarily the one you'd expect.

The study, co-authored by Temple University psychologist Laurence Steinberg and University of Washington psychologist Kathryn Monahan, took another look at data that had been published in the journal Pediatrics in 2006, in which researchers claimed that preteens and teens age 12 to 14 who "consumed a large amount of sexualized media" were more likely to become sexually active by the time they turned 16. But Steinberg says that the 2006 study overlooked the reasons why those adolescents were seeking out sexualized content to begin with: They were already interested in sex. Which means that their interest led to greater consumption, he says -- and not vice versa, as commonly assumed.

Teens and vaccines: What's important?

We tend to think about vaccines in terms of how they affect our very young children. But pre-teens and teenagers are supposed to receive a raft of immunizations, too. A vaccine-autism link isn't the issue at this stage, but many questions still remain about which shots are important -- and if some of them are necessary at all.

According to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, doctors recommend that all 11- and 12-year-olds get the single-dose Tdap and meningococcal vaccines, as well as a yearly flu shot. The National Menengitis Association is emphasising the importance of the meningococcal vaccine for children age 11 to 18 -- though their informational site, preeteenvaccines.org, and materials for its program are "supported by unrestricted educational grants" from GlaxoSmithKline, Merck & Co., Inc., and Novartis Vaccines, according to the fine print on the website itself. (My request to their PR person for statistics and information from sources other than vaccine manufacturers got no response, though WebMD reports that, of the 1,000 to 2,600 who get meningococcal disease each year, one-third are teens and young adults, and 10 percent to 15 percent of those who gets sick will die from it, in spite of antibiotics.)

The CDC also recommends a three-shot series to protect girls as young as 9 against the human papillomavirus, or HPV, some forms of which can cause gential warts and cervical cancer. And yes, there's plenty of controversy around the idea of protecting 9-year-olds against a sexually transmitted disease -- especially when the protection hasn't yet been proven to last and, according to some reports, may cause some serious side effects.

Things I never thought I'd hear myself say (part 2)

As I've mentioned before, I keep running a list of things I never thought I'd say as a parent. Lately, while talking to our kids, my friends and I keep catching ourselves mid-sentence -- another one for the list. Here are some of the things that have had me shaking my head in disbelief even as the words came out of my mouth:

No battleaxes allowed on the trampoline.

The Hulk does not like being in the bathtub.

Don't drink the bathwater.

Don't even lick the bathwater.

Do not lick The Hulk.

If you get hurt while pretend fighting, you'd better only be pretend crying.

You must wear pants if you leave the house. Or at least underwear.

"Bottomless" means that you are showing your bottom, not that your bottom is gone.

Don't lick your sister's foot.

Please don't drink all of my coffee.

You can't have any more broccoli until you finish your pizza.

I also have a list of things I never thought I'd do as a parent, but that's another post. And I should probably start a list of things my kids say to which I don't know how to respond (today's entry: "Mama, where was I before I was in your tummy?"). But for now, let's stick with this: What's on your "I can't believe I just said that" list?

Selling your home? 10 staging hints that will make it stand out

According to Realtor.com, there are more than 4.1 million homes for sale right now in the United States. Here are 10 ways you can make yours stand out in the crowd.

Go for neutral
Remove highly personal items like family photos and artwork your kids brought home from school, and consider painting any brightly colored walls a more neutral shade. Personality is important, but you want prospective buyers to be able to imagine themselves in the space without feeling like they’re invading yours.

Spruce things up
Shabby furniture should get a makeover. Sure Fit (http://www.surefit.com) suggests covering up worn, outdated, or loud furniture with tailored or fitted slipcovers in a neutral shade. New area rugs (to cover worn or stained spots on the floor), throw pillows, and flower arrangements can make a space feel fresh without costing a fortune.

Are you a homebody or always on the go?

I have to admit it: In spite of my crazy-long commute and sometime-hectic schedule, and in spite of my tendency to clutter and my inability to stay on top of the housework, if I had to choose between being all "Go, go, go" and spending a quiet weekend at home, the quiet weekend would win. In general, I mean, not just right now. Especially if I didn't feel obligated to clean.

I've always been a bit of a homebody and bookworm. So when my kids -- big and little alike -- ask me, "What are we going to do today?" I often catch myself wondering, "Why do we have to *do* anything?"

(Actually, our big kids ask far more often than our littles do, probably because they're usually with us during their vacation time, not all-year-round. Maybe that's a blended family thing; different households have different expectations and different definitions of "normal" and "ideal.")

For a long time, I avoided scheduling anything on the weekends. But then Tae Kwon Do creeped in. And then my youngest daughter morphed into a social butterfly, and my youngest son followed suite, with birthday parties and playdates to attend. And now I find myself scoping out events and destinations, because having a ready answer to "What are we going to do today?" is better than feeling frustrated by the question. (Back-up answer: "Make a list of what you'd like to do, and we'll try to make at least one thing on that list happen.")

Sometimes, honestly, though, the answer is "Laundry party!" and other times it's "You're big! Amuse yourselves!" I'd like to introduce them to the quiet pleasure of a sunny day, a hammock, and a good book -- but to them that sounds more like boredom than peace. That's not to say that I'm completely inactive. It's just that a quiet day at the little local lake (which is where I took my youngest kids recently) is more interesting and relaxing, to me, than a day spent shelling out money for amusement at Six Flags.

Some people are energized by activity and stimilation. Others need quiet to recharge. Which do you prefer?

Things I wish I knew the first time I traveled abroad

On my very first solo overseas trip, I spent three hours standing around a deserted airport in Bombay (it was still called Bombay, back then), waiting while my luggage sat, unattended, on the tarmack. On another trip, I plugged a borrowed laptop computer into the wall in Hyderabad and watched while the outlet popped and sizzled before I yanked the power cord out of the wall.  On other trips over the years, I've ripped my luggage, misplaced a passport, lost my purse, been unable to change money (pre-Euro), had killer headaches, and been inappropriately dressed while sight-seeing -- all things that could have been prevented, if only I knew then what I know now.

But you can learn from my experience (and, of course, share your own in the comments!). Here are some other things I wish I’d known the first time I traveled abroad by myself.

True Prep: Relax, Muffy, you're going to be just fine

Click over to Boston.com to read my review of "True Prep: It's a Whole New Old World," which was published in The Boston Globe yesterday. It was a fun read for me, given my own preppy upbringing. (I lost most of my preppy street cred when I went to Syracuse and then became a journalist who doesn't write about banking or celebrities. On the other hand, while I stopped playing field hockey long ago, I do still fence, so maybe I've maintained a tiny bit of a preppy pedigree, after all?)

"True Prep," written by Lisa Birnbach (with great illustrations by designer Chip Kidd -- yes, that's his real name), is the follow-up to "The Preppy Handbook," the guide to everything prep that Birnbach wrote 30 years ago. The update still helps the reader how to navigate (or avoid, if you're so inclined) the world of prep, and it's packed with facts, lists, interviews, and hilarious send-ups of what some might call Preppy Sacred, like the dress code.  My Top-Siders may be long gone, and I no longer own even a single LaCoste shirt, but I still have a thing for argyle, pearls, and other prep accessories. You can take the girl out of the world of prep, but I guess you can't completely take the prep out of the girl.

Here's the review:

TRUE PREP: It’s a Whole New Old World

By Lisa Birnbach, with Chip Kidd
Knopf, 248 pp., illustrated, $19.95

Preppy update: But what's new?
By Lylah M. Alphonse, Globe Staff

Growing up in Princeton, N.J., in the 1980s, my friends and I turned to “The Preppy Handbook’’ for advice on fitting in. We had the Top-Siders (laces permanently knotted), the wide-wale cords (jeans were against the dress code at school), and the Lacoste shirts (collars popped, of course). I’d go on, but I became a journalist and eventually lost my preppy pedigree.

It’s been 30 years since “The Preppy Handbook’’ came out, and times have changed. Or have they? Lisa Birnbach revisits all things prep — this time with designer Chip Kidd — in “True Prep: It’s a Whole New Old World,’’ offering guidance for a new generation of preppies and a handy reference for those seeking to become (or avoid) one.

First, let’s be clear: Preppy is a lifestyle. There’s a kernel of truth in the first chapter (“Manifesto: What’s it all about, Muffy?’’): “It’s about ease and confidence. It’s about fitting in when you do and even when you don’t.’’ Beyond that, though? “True Prep’’ is a hilarious send-up of the frills and foibles of the elite and privileged. It’s satire, of course, but it’s cringe-inducingly on target at times.

It’s a bewildering, technologically advanced world out there, but Muffy can take comfort in knowing that some things are still the same. The dress code for that newfangled casual Friday at work, for example, is only slightly different from a standard preppy Saturday; remove the impeccably dressed “portable child’’ from Mom’s — sorry, Mummy’s — grasp and substitute a briefcase for the tennis racquet and a coffee for the gin and tonic and dear old Dad is ready to go. Not-for-profit jobs are still more prep than private-sector jobs, because, as Birnbach points out, “Any job that has a vaguely helpful purpose is preppier than a job that is just about earning money. (Earning lots of money is fine but a little bit obvious and therefore embarrassing.)’’ And the cardinal rules of prep still hold true: No talking about money, all of the family photos go on the piano, fly coach unless someone else is buying the ticket.

Then again, a lot has changed. Polar fleece, though not a natural fiber, is nonetheless very appealing. The Wall Street meltdown forced people to question what it is that a banker does all day, and the guide offers one explanation. The tweens are texting at the kids’ table during dinner. And Mummy has many more options when it comes to finding her true calling (“Do I look like a docent in my cashmere twinset? I feel like one.’’)

Scattered liberally throughout “True Prep’’ are reams of real-life prep-world trivia: Who went to school where; a state-by-state guide to the best vintage stores in the United States (both Boston’s and Cambridge’s Second Time Around stores make the list); and recipes like “The Ultimate New Canaan Nibble’’ (Ritz crackers + cellophane-wrapped cheese slices + a dab of yellow mustard) for when the cook is away. Interviews with people who are unexpectedly preppy or who have had an impact in the world of prep, like David Coolidge, the Muslim chaplain of Brown University, and the Murray brothers of Greenwich, Conn., who started the necktie company Vineyard Vines, are truly interesting.

And wannabe preps know that this book can be your modern-day preppy bible: It has a master reading list, a guide to loafers and trench coats, suggestions for thank-you notes for all occasions, and even a fill-in-the-blanks eulogy that can be customized as needed. Muffy, I think you’re going to be just fine.

Review © Copyright 2010 Globe Newspaper Company.

Climbing out of the downward spiral

So often, we're down on ourselves for what we didn't do right, what we couldn't get done on time, what we wish we could do but don't. Inspired by a blog post at Mocha Momma -- a letter to herself at age 20, I recently asked my friends over at The 36-Hour Day: What do you think you do well?

Tips for beating the back-to-school blues -- for you and your child

I'm in the pages of The Boston Globe today, with an In the Parenthood column about beating the back-to-school blues.

“You spend so much time getting your child ready for school, there’s so much excitement, and you’re trying to help your child feel good about the transition,’’ says Amy Gold, director of curriculum and instruction at the Rashi School in Dedham and the mother of a second-grader. “Parents forget what it means for them, that their child is going to school, some of them for the first time.’’

Since the Rashi School -- an Reform Jewish independent K-through-8 school -- just opened a brand new intergenerational campus in Dedham, every single student has to adjust to being in a new place. “Our school has moved, so everything is brand new for us, whether you’re a 5-year-old entering kindergarten or a returning eighth grader,” Gold points out. “There’s a whole acclimation process to being in a new place.”

The economy presents another transition that many students haven't had to face in the past: Having to leave private or parochial school because they can't afford it anymore. The transition from a religious school to a secular one can be jarring as well. Playdates with kids from the new class can help ease the transition, and give parents and children a familiar face to look for once school starts.

The ins and outs of affiliate marketing

This week I'm over at Work It, Mom!, writing about the different types of work-from-home programs and how they operate. For parents who want to earn money and build a business without sacrificing too much family time, direct-marketing programs seem ideal. But with so many to choose from, how do you know which one will work for you -- and which ones might not work at all?

Parents disciplining kids in public: When do you intervene?

Some time ago, I wrote about a case in which a 61-year-old man slapped a stranger's crying child in a Stone Mountain, Georgia, Wal-Mart. The post garnered a whopping 245 comments over at Boston.com, and the blogosphere is similarly on fire right now over a story out of Albuquerque, New Mexico, where a  fed-up mom on a Southwest Airlines flight slapped her 13-month-old after the tot kicked her one too many times. A flight attendant took the screaming baby away from the mother, prompting parents across the country to wonder where the line is between intervention and interference.

I'm not one to slap a crying child -- a 13-month-old doesn't usually have the ability to calmly and rationally explain what's wrong, and a 2-year-old can melt down under circumstances that wouldn't bother an older child at all. And most people are loathe to step in when a parent is yelling at his or her own child, let alone confront an angry parent once things have gotten physical. In this case, figuring out what to do is especially hard: The child's father was right there, according to the Associated Press, after flight attendant Beverly McCurley brought the baby to the back of the airplane, he joined her and soothed the little girl until she fell asleep.

Focus on the positive: What do you do well?

So often, we're down on ourselves for what we didn't do right, what we couldn't get done on time, what we wish we could do but don't. Inspired by a blog post at Mocha Momma -- a letter to herself at age 20 -- I'm want to know: What do you think you do well?

An interview with Barefoot Books CEO and co-founder Nancy Traversy

Canadian-born Nancy Traversy, 49, went from the world of finance to graphic design before launching a successful children's book publishing company with her business partner, Tessa Strickland. Their company, Barefoot Books, recently opened a massive flagship store in Concord, Mass., where they sell only the titles they publish.

For Traversy, the leap from banking to books isn't as large as one might think. "I come from a family of very artistic, very creative family, and somehow I went the business and math and numbers route," Traversy told me. "One day I was on a bank audit -- I was wearing a trouser suit with a tie, and I thought I was looking very professional -- and I was told, 'Women don’t wear trousers.' And I said, OK, that was kind of the final straw."

"But I don’t regret going into finance initially instead of design for a second," she added. "I love spreadsheets and business plans, and I also love design and creativity. So, I’m sort of on both sides."

I stopped by the Concord store recently to chat with Nancy; a portion of our interview was published yesterday in The Boston Globe Sunday Magazine (see image at left), but of course there's always so much more that doesn't make it into the article. Here's the rest of our question-and-answer session:

What can you learn from the summer intern?

My department has a summer intern with us right now, and he is so earnest. So enthusiastic. So smart. He's eager to get to work each day, fired up in anticipation of whatever assignment will fall to him that morning. He has pithy, inspirational statements, penned in red and black on 4-by-6-inch note cards, pinned up on the walls of his cube. -- the kind of stuff the rest of us learned in school, stuff that applies to our trade, stuff that we assume we know but probably need to remember.

When did the rest of us stop being like that?

Is yelling at a child in public abusive?

What would you do if you saw an adult screaming at a child in a public place? Talk to the adult? Call the police? Walk away?

An In the Parenthood reader wrote to me about an incident she witnessed recently and wondered what, if anything, she could have done to help.

There are some large playing fields near our house that are part of a public school complex. They are often used on weekends by soccer clubs and various leagues, both for children and adults, and that is a wonderful thing. On a recent Saturday morning, though, my friend and I were walking near one of the fields and heard some very loud yelling and screaming. I first thought that perhaps an adult male softball team had had some kind of dust-up and that things would get settled quickly. As we walked close to the field, we could see that it was a man and three children, ages maybe 6 to 12, and he was yelling at them as they helped gather up the bases and balls and stuff from all over the field.

What's your parenting superpower?

I finally got around to watching Iron Man (crazy schedules + expensive babysitters = two working parents who don't get to the movies all that often). And I loved it.

I have a thing for superheroes in general -- my childhood idol was Mighty Mouse, in fact, and I've passed my love of The X-Men on to my kids. But Iron Man appealed to me even more than super hero movies usually do, not because some otherworldly avenger/defender swoops in to save the day, but because Tony Stark creates his own superpower.