Monday, August 30, 2010

Working from home with (or in spite of) your kids

My husband was out of town all of last week, and this week my youngest kids are out of preschool, so it seems like a good time to revisit the whole "how on earth do I work when I have to look after my kids at the same time" idea.

Here's how I've been managing. Without adversely affecting a.) my liver or b.) my reputation.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Mistakes you should let your children make

I love this post by Chris Jordan, usually of Notes From the Trenches, who also writes over at Alpha Mom. Inspired by an article in the Sept. 2010 issue of Real Simple, Chris's post is about the five mistakes every child should be allowed to make -- and it really rings true. Even if you don't have teenagers (Chris is a mom of seven whose oldest is in high school and whose youngest has just started kindergarten), you'll probably see the wisdom in her suggestions based on what you remember from when you were a teen yourself.

Click on over and read it.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Two new planets in the Milky Way?

On Wednesday NASA announced that two new (or is that "new") planets had been discovered orbiting the same star in the Milky Way galaxy. The planets -- each slightly smaller than Saturn, have a clear gravitational interaction, scientists said, and were discovered using the Kepler Space Telescope.

You can read more about the Kepler Mission here.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Tips for beating the back-to-school blues -- for you and your child

I'm in the pages of The Boston Globe today, with an In the Parenthood column about beating the back-to-school blues.

“You spend so much time getting your child ready for school, there’s so much excitement, and you’re trying to help your child feel good about the transition,’’ says Amy Gold, director of curriculum and instruction at the Rashi School in Dedham and the mother of a second-grader. “Parents forget what it means for them, that their child is going to school, some of them for the first time.’’

Since the Rashi School -- an Reform Jewish independent K-through-8 school -- just opened a brand new intergenerational campus in Dedham, every single student has to adjust to being in a new place. “Our school has moved, so everything is brand new for us, whether you’re a 5-year-old entering kindergarten or a returning eighth grader,” Gold points out. “There’s a whole acclimation process to being in a new place.”

The economy presents another transition that many students haven't had to face in the past: Having to leave private or parochial school because they can't afford it anymore. The transition from a religious school to a secular one can be jarring as well. Playdates with kids from the new class can help ease the transition, and give parents and children a familiar face to look for once school starts.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Curbing the cursing (in front of the kids, at least)

One of my favorite I'm-a-new-step-parent stories is from about 10 years ago, when my big kids were about 6, 4, and 2 and my little kids weren't even a twinkle in their dad's eye.

I was driving down a twisty, speedy four-lane road near Boston, all three kids strapped into carseats in the back of my Saturn, when an obnoxious guy in a black BMW cut me off on a sharp turn. I slammed on the breaks and hissed, "Ohhhhh, you F__KER!"

And, from the back seat, came the voice of the eldest, in that I-just-caught-a-grown-up-doing-something-wrong tone that all parents know too well: "Whhhhhhat did you say?"

Friday, August 20, 2010

Let's chat: Yahoo!'s Shine and WriteEditRepeat ask if being a SAHM is a career choice

I'll be on Twitter tonight at 7 p.m. (EST) with @YahooShine for tonight's Shine Chat. We'll be talking about an article I wrote for The 36-Hour Day and Yahoo! recently asking if staying home with your kids is a career choice. (I think it is.) Click the links to read the article, check out the discussion in the comments, then join in the chat on Twitter; the hashtag is #YShineChat and I'm @WriteEditRepeat.

The ins and outs of affiliate marketing

This week I'm over at Work It, Mom!, writing about the different types of work-from-home programs and how they operate. For parents who want to earn money and build a business without sacrificing too much family time, direct-marketing programs seem ideal. But with so many to choose from, how do you know which one will work for you -- and which ones might not work at all?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Parents disciplining kids in public: When do you intervene?

Some time ago, I wrote about a case in which a 61-year-old man slapped a stranger's crying child in a Stone Mountain, Georgia, Wal-Mart. The post garnered a whopping 245 comments over at Boston.com, and the blogosphere is similarly on fire right now over a story out of Albuquerque, New Mexico, where a  fed-up mom on a Southwest Airlines flight slapped her 13-month-old after the tot kicked her one too many times. A flight attendant took the screaming baby away from the mother, prompting parents across the country to wonder where the line is between intervention and interference.

I'm not one to slap a crying child -- a 13-month-old doesn't usually have the ability to calmly and rationally explain what's wrong, and a 2-year-old can melt down under circumstances that wouldn't bother an older child at all. And most people are loathe to step in when a parent is yelling at his or her own child, let alone confront an angry parent once things have gotten physical. In this case, figuring out what to do is especially hard: The child's father was right there, according to the Associated Press, after flight attendant Beverly McCurley brought the baby to the back of the airplane, he joined her and soothed the little girl until she fell asleep.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Back to school: Product picks from Write Edit Repeat (and a chance to win $150)

Over at Work It, Mom!, I'm pulling together slideshows the coolest back-to-school products, whether your kids are heading off to kindergarten or off to college. Take a look:

Back to school gear for elementary school kids

Heading off to college? Bring these 10 things with you.

And don't forget their teachers or day care providers! 10 gifts teachers and caregivers will love.

Write. Edit. Repeat. readers also have a chance to win a $150 Back-to-School Gift Card from Amazon.com. Spend about five minutes (or less, really) taking this survey from Unicast about your back to school shopping, and you can win one of 10 prizes. The survey closes at 8 p.m. (eastern time) on Friday, Aug. 20. (Winners will be emailed on Monday Aug. 23.) The survey is anonymous, though you will have to give your email address in order to be notified if you win one of the prizes.

Here’s the link to the survey: http://www.zoomerang.com/Survey/WEB22B385KB4BX

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Focus on the positive: What do you do well?

So often, we're down on ourselves for what we didn't do right, what we couldn't get done on time, what we wish we could do but don't. Inspired by a blog post at Mocha Momma -- a letter to herself at age 20 -- I'm want to know: What do you think you do well?

Monday, August 16, 2010

An interview with Barefoot Books CEO and co-founder Nancy Traversy


Canadian-born Nancy Traversy, 49, went from the world of finance to graphic design before launching a successful children's book publishing company with her business partner, Tessa Strickland. Their company, Barefoot Books, recently opened a massive flagship store in Concord, Mass., where they sell only the titles they publish.

For Traversy, the leap from banking to books isn't as large as one might think. "I come from a family of very artistic, very creative family, and somehow I went the business and math and numbers route," Traversy told me. "One day I was on a bank audit -- I was wearing a trouser suit with a tie, and I thought I was looking very professional -- and I was told, 'Women don’t wear trousers.' And I said, OK, that was kind of the final straw."

"But I don’t regret going into finance initially instead of design for a second," she added. "I love spreadsheets and business plans, and I also love design and creativity. So, I’m sort of on both sides."

I stopped by the Concord store recently to chat with Nancy; a portion of our interview was published yesterday in The Boston Globe Sunday Magazine (see image at left), but of course there's always so much more that doesn't make it into the article. Here's the rest of our question-and-answer session:

Sunday, August 15, 2010

On sandwiches and showdowns at BlogHer '10

This post over at The Bloggess is a good (and hilarious) summary (with pictures! and video!) of what went down during the Hillshire Farms Sandwich Showdown at BlogHer '10. I got knocked out in the second round -- 8- or 9-year-old judges aren't big fans of smoked gouda, apparently.


Round One.  Trying to look calm and professional in the middle.

I had pulled together my four original recipies for the competition while under the impression that Top Chef's Padma Lakshmi, who was hosting the event, was also one of the judges. Once I arrived at the Expo Hall, I found that the Sandwich Showdown level of difficulty just went up from there: The judges were kids, there was no equipment other than plastic cloves and a dull table knife, no toaster or frying pan, and just two minutes to assemble the sandwhich -- with an entire expo hall watching. Oblivious, I had gone in for some exotic ingredients and time-consuming prep work, which I ad libbed live on stage. (Really. Sian at MummyTips took video. Check it out.)


Round two. The smoked gouda would be my downfall.

Here is one of the recipes I came up with: Vietnamese Shaking Roast Beef. It's a combination of two of my favorite Vietnamese dishes: savory, pepper, slightly sweet Bo Loc Lac and the French-inspired Banh Mi. If you have more than 2 minutes, it makes a great light summer supper. My kids actually like it -- and, lo and behold, so did the Showdown judges.

Friday, August 13, 2010

What can you learn from the summer intern?

My department has a summer intern with us right now, and he is so earnest. So enthusiastic. So smart. He's eager to get to work each day, fired up in anticipation of whatever assignment will fall to him that morning. He has pithy, inspirational statements, penned in red and black on 4-by-6-inch note cards, pinned up on the walls of his cube. -- the kind of stuff the rest of us learned in school, stuff that applies to our trade, stuff that we assume we know but probably need to remember.

When did the rest of us stop being like that?

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Is yelling at a child in public abusive?

What would you do if you saw an adult screaming at a child in a public place? Talk to the adult? Call the police? Walk away?

An In the Parenthood reader wrote to me about an incident she witnessed recently and wondered what, if anything, she could have done to help.

There are some large playing fields near our house that are part of a public school complex. They are often used on weekends by soccer clubs and various leagues, both for children and adults, and that is a wonderful thing. On a recent Saturday morning, though, my friend and I were walking near one of the fields and heard some very loud yelling and screaming. I first thought that perhaps an adult male softball team had had some kind of dust-up and that things would get settled quickly. As we walked close to the field, we could see that it was a man and three children, ages maybe 6 to 12, and he was yelling at them as they helped gather up the bases and balls and stuff from all over the field.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Is organized religion falling from grace?

The Baltimore Sun and other outlets recently reported that novelist Anne Rice says she's committed to Christ but is quitting Christianity.

Rice, famous for her lavishly gothic and erotic novels, returned to the Catholic church in 1998 after many years of being a devout Atheist, rededicating herself to writing spiritual and religious books from that point on (though not denouncing or distancing herself from her earlier, more famous non-religious works). But now she says that while she's her faith in Christ remains central to her life, "following Christ does not mean following His followers."

She explained why on her Facebook page:

I remain committed to Christ as always but not to being "Christian" or to being part of Christianity. It's simply impossible for me to "belong" to this quarrelsome, hostile, disputatious, and deservedly infamous group. For ten years, I've tried. I've failed. I'm an outside. My conscience will allow nothing else.

I quit being a Christian. I’m out. In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen.
I totally relate.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Treasure every moment -- even the hard ones

This post by Katie Granju at MamaPundit made me think about all of the little gripes I've been carrying around in my head, and then blew them all away.

After listing some of the things she doesn't regret doing as she raised her oldest son, Henry (who died, at age 18, of injuries sustained in a beating during a drug deal earlier this year), she writes:

Treasure EVERY SINGLE SECOND with your children, even the really hard ones. Be in the moment. Relish every kiss, every hug, and every boring school play. Never miss the chance to tell them how much you love them and believe in them. ... Parent in a way that wouldn’t leave you with too many regrets if you were faced with the unthinkable.
We all know that parenting isn't all wine and roses -- some days it doesn't even rise above water and weeds. Studies show that parenting doesn't make people happier; given the fact that they volunteer for the job, step parents may deserve extra combat pay for dealing with issues other parents don't have to. But regardless of how you became a parent or how old your kids are, regardless of what difficulties you've overcome or what challenges still lie ahead, there are bound to be a few things you wouldn't change if you had a chance to do it all over again.

What do you not regret?

Friday, August 6, 2010

Going from work mode to home mode (without going crazy)

Remember that cool video project I mentioned? It's live now: "You. Reinvented" at Shine at Yahoo.com. Mine focuses on lowering the stress of transitioning from work mode to home mode:


There's a cool little article to go with it, so please click over to "You. Reinvented" and check it out, along with the rest of the videos and articles. All of them offer great advice, ideas, and real-life stories from women who have reinvented a portion of their lives.

How do you manage the stress of juggling career and parenthood?

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Going to BlogHer '10? See you there!

BlogHer Voice of the Year Gala
I'm part of a cool video project that Yahoo! is unveiling at BlogHer '10, so I'm heading to New York today for the debut. I've also been selected to compete in the Hillshire Farms Fresh Taste Sandwich Showdown with Padma Lakshmi (yes, from Top Chef!), where I'll be whipping together the four different sandwiches that I stayed up waaaay too late perfecting the other night. (Those of you who know me in real life, specifically during college, are not surprised that I'd be up late cooking for fun.) Stop by their booth (#2112, on the second floor of the Americas Expo Hall) at 11:30 on Friday for the start of the competition.

Will you be at BlogHer '10? Ping me @WriteEditRepeat, or stop me in the halls of the Hilton and say hi!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

What if someone else's child comes to you for help?

Mata H. has a fascinating discussion going over at BlogHer.com, in which she presents an ethical dilemma that those of us with tweens and teens may find ourselves facing sooner rather than later: What do you do if someone else's child confides in you about something they don't want to tell their parents?

She writes:
She is nervous. She began by saying that she had some questions she needed to get answered "for a friend". She has come to you because her parents "just wouldn't understand". Her hands are actually shaking.

Soon you understand what she did not want to tell her very strict parents.

She is asking about STDs. Although she still says she is asking "for a friend", it is becoming clear as you read between the lines of what she is telling you, that Sarah, age 13, has been sexually active.

The question is loaded on several levels (click through to her post to read the whole thing). Kids are becoming sexually active earlier -- and getting pregnant more frequently -- so talking with kids about sex, contraception, and sexually fransmitted diseases is more important than ever. But that's a conversation parents are supposed to have with their own kids -- not somebody else's. On the other hand, if a teen came to you for help, can you really send her away?

When I was in high school, I was a peer advisor for a new and innovative health-and-sexuality program for teenagers. I talked with many teens who didn't feel comfortable talking to their parents, who needed information, knew they needed help, but didn't know where to turn. (Incidentally, having so much information about sexuality made me less inclined to do the deed as a teen, not more inclined. But that's another post).

In the situation Mata H. describes, I'd probably offer the teen some basic information -- facts, numbers, resources. No judgement, no morality, no offering to drive her to Planned Parenthood (she's asking about her "friend" after all). I'd encourage her to try to talk to her mom, too, even if she insisted that her parents wouldn't understand. And then I'd try to start a conversation with her parents.

Yes, really. I'd ask them for their insight into the dilemma, or maybe I'd say that I was worrying about kids I've overheard at school. Chances are, they wouldn't want to talk to me about it, but I would still try.

What if the situation was reversed, and it was my child seeking info from someone else? I would hope that the person my child confided in would offer her just information and facts -- and then give me a heads up. (Really, though, I'd also hope my child would feel comfortable coming to me, first).

What would you do if someone else's child confided in you about something like this? Would you tell her parents?

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

What's your parenting superpower?

I finally got around to watching Iron Man (crazy schedules + expensive babysitters = two working parents who don't get to the movies all that often). And I loved it.

I have a thing for superheroes in general -- my childhood idol was Mighty Mouse, in fact, and I've passed my love of The X-Men on to my kids. But Iron Man appealed to me even more than super hero movies usually do, not because some otherworldly avenger/defender swoops in to save the day, but because Tony Stark creates his own superpower.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Going away on business? How to help your little kids cope

I'm heading out to New York later this week, for BlogHer '10, and while I'm excited (no one waking me up at 3 a.m. because they need to go to the bathroom! Woo hooo!), my youngest kids most certainly are not.

I don't travel much for business; the last conference that took me away from home overnight took place before my youngest two kids were born, and every other work-related trip has either been a day-long affair or I've hauled my family along with me. Back when my husband and I worked opposite shifts I was the one who was home at night and now, even though we both work days, most of the bedtime routine still falls to me. That's not a complaint, it's a statement of fact. And the bottom line is that, on the rare occasions when I am away at night, the little kids are thrown for a little bit of a loop.

You already know that taking advantage of network opportunities like BlogHer is good for your career. (And, possibly, your sanity. Hello, uninterrupted shower!) Your kids, though? They don't necessarily get it. And, if they're little, the biggest thing they'll register is that you're going somewhere -- gasp! -- without them. So, how can you help them cope?