$1 Million to raise a family? What are parents buying?

The cost of raising kids may have more than doubled to $1 million, according to new research.

Social researcher Mark McCrindle's survey of more than 4,500 Australians found that the average cost to raise a family today is $1,028,093-- a huge increase over the Australian Federal Government's estimate of $384,543.

Do the math to convert that to U.S. dollars, and the number is still shockingly high: $943,411.36.

What on earth are parents buying?

Wal-Mart and their workers: Will the $40M settlement change anything?

My newest gig launched today at All Voices, where I'm one of a handful of journalists from around the world hired to report for them as a Provoice Correspondent.

I'll be focusing on business, workplace issues, and work-life balance for the citizen journalism site and its 4 million monthly readers. My first piece, on Wal-Mart and the $40 million settlement it agreed to pay to some 87,000 workers in Massachusetts last week, is live now. Here's a tease:

...Workers in the United States have alleged for years that Wal-Mart managers denied or cut short their rest and meal breaks, refused to pay overtime wages, manipulated their time cards, or required them to work off-the-clock without pay.

Americans are outraged. But would those same working conditions raise eyebrows anywhere else? What's acceptable these days, and does it depend where the company is located? ...

Please click through to give it a read, share your reactions, and pass the word along!

Book review: Cleopatra's Daughter by Michelle Moran

When I find time to read, I usually reach for something that will either transport me to another world or give me a vivid look at someone else's life. Michelle Moran is one of my favorite authors, because her books do both, and more: Her meticulously researched novels are fiction based on fact, and time and again she artfully brings the past to life.

Cleopatra's Daughter is Moran's third novel set in ancient Egypt (and, later, Rome). As in Nefertiti (my review is here) and The Heretic Queen (click here for that review), the story is told from the point of view of a girl in transition. I reviewed Cleopatra's Daughter recently for the Boston Globe; here's what I thought of it:

November 24, 2009

History, epic intrigue in ancient Rome

By Lylah M. Alphonse, Globe Staff

Most people have heard about Cleopatra and Marc Antony: their epic love story, their heroics in battle, their dramatic deaths. But until now, little has been known about the equally dramatic lives of their children, who were left to the mercy of their father’s enemy, Octavian Caesar, after their parents’ deaths. Michelle Moran, author of “Nefertiti’’ and “The Heretic Queen,’’ revisits ancient Egypt to tell their story in her newest novel, “Cleopatra’s Daughter.’’

Twins Kleopatra Selene and Alexander Helios are brought to Rome in chains, still mourning the deaths of their parents and their younger brother, Ptolemy. Though paraded through the streets as part of Caesar’s Triumph, they are still considered Egyptian royalty and not officially enslaved, but their futures are uncertain, and they are subject to the whims of a coldly calculating Caesar and his vindictive wife, Livia. The twins grow up surrounded by secrecy and danger, witnesses to the brutality of Rome as seen from within a gilded cage of Caesar’s inner circle.

They find an unlikely protector in their new guardian, Octavia, sister of Caesar and the wife whom their father, Marc Anthony, abandoned in Rome in order to be with Cleopatra in Egypt. But even from the relative safety of her home, they discover that life in “the greatest city on earth’’ is shockingly grim compared with the one they left behind. “Even Thebes, which had suffered destruction at the hands of Ptolemy IX, was far more beautiful than this,’’ Selene thinks as she views Rome for the first time. “There was no organization, no city plan, and though buildings of rare beauty stood out among the brink tabernae and bathhouses, they were like gems in a quarry of jagged stone.’’

In Rome, slaves are maimed or crucified by the hundreds if a single one rebels; assassinations are common; newborns are left out in the cold to die; and women have little value, forced to send away their daughters and remarry if Caesar commands it. “When a girl is born, a period of mourning is begun. She is invisa [unseen], unwanted, valueless. She has no rights but what her father gives her,’’ the slave Gallia, a captured Gaelic princess, tells Selene, who quickly understands that the only way to save her life is to somehow become useful to Caesar.

Moran skillfully weaves into her latest book plenty of political history and detail without ever weighing down the story, which is fast-paced, intriguing, and beautifully written; a subplot about a mysterious “Red Eagle’’ who is trying to incite a slave rebellion is riveting. In “Cleopatra’s Daughter,’’ she once again demonstrates her talent for taking long-forgotten historical figures and bringing them vividly to life.

© Copyright 2009 Globe Newspaper Company.

Cooking with kids: A delicious way to learn

It’s usually easier to get dinner ready yourself than it is to let your kids help, but if you constantly shoo them out of the kitchen you’re missing a valuable opportunity or two. For one thing, now that our oldest kids are teens I can say for certain that the window when kids think chores are fun and beg you to let them help is very, very small. For another, there are tons of opportunities to teach kids about cooperation, cause-and-effect, and even math while cooking a meal.

If cooking is a science, then baking is like chemistry: it requires precise measurements and certain ingredients in order for your experiment to be a success. Measuring ingredients helps kids understand fractions, rolling and cutting out cookies is great for hand-eye coordination, and your kids can identify shapes as they decorate. Bonus: You can eat your results.

Tomorrow (Dec. 4) is National Cookie Day, and while it's super easy to buy cookies, it's much more fun to bake them with your kids.

Consider how many kids you'll be baking with, how much space you have in your kitchen, and what you want your kids to get out of the process. Are your older kids working on fractions? Let them measure out the flour and sugar. Is your toddler learning about shapes? Spread a selection of cookie cutters out on the counter, but put the dough together yourself. Baking with budding artists? Make icing in advance, and let them customize the colors and decorate the cookies themselves (another great use for leftover Halloween candy!).

Baking expert Rachel Matheus of Mrs. Fields says you should be prepared -- you’ll inevitably have a mess. To make cleaning up easier, she suggests using a tarp or even some plastic garbage bags as a floor covering and use a disposable plastic tablecloth on the table, so when the fun is done you can simply gather up the plastic and throw all of the mess away.

Ready to get started? Here's an easy sugar cookie recipe from Mrs. Fields to try:

Sugar Cookies

Cream together:
1/2 cup butter or margarine
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1 Tablespoon vanilla

Mix together:
3 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder

Add dry ingredients to creamed mixture alternately with 1/2 cup of milk. (It the dough feels sticky, refrigerate it for 20 minutes). On a floured surface, roll out the dough to about a half-inch thick and cut into shapes. Bake at 375 degrees for 10 minutes -- cookies will be a light golden color. Frost with your favorite icing and decorate with toppings.

If rolling and cutting aren't for you, try the kid-friendly peanut butter and jelly pan cookies, also from Mrs. Fields. (If you're worried about nut allergies, you can use sunflower seed butter instead -- Trader Joe's has a great one, or you can order SunButter online.

Peanut Butter Jelly Squares

2 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1 cup salted butter
1 large egg
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1/4 cup of your favorite jam or jelly
1/2 cup creamy peanut butter (or sunflower seed butter)
2 Tablespoons powdered sugar

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Lightly butter a 9x13 baking pan.

In a medium bowl combine the baking powder and flour

In a medium bowl combine butter and sugar to form a grainy paste with a hand mixer on medium speed. Add the egg and vanilla and mix until smooth. Scrape down the sides of the bowl.

Add the flour mixture and blend at low speed until thoroughly combined. The dough will be firm. Divide the dough in half and form two circles. Wrap tightly in plastic wrap, refrigerate 1 hour.

On a floured surface, roll out each disk to a 9x13 rectangle. Place one piece on the bottom of the pan, and refrigerate 10 minutes more. Spread the peanut butter on top, and then the jelly. Place the other piece on top and pinch down the edges all around the inside of the pan. Bake 35 to 40 minutes or until golden brown and firm at the center. Cool in the pan, then cut into squares and serve.

If you don't have time to make a mess in the kitchen, you can still celebrate National Cookie Day and get a little learning in using pre-made cookie dough. Scooping out spoonfuls (or breaking off the pre-formed pieces) offers some counting practice, and any time spent being creative together is a wonderful chance to make memories with your child.

Do your kids like to help out in the kitchen? What's your favorite thing to cook with your kids?

Help for the holidays: Give more for less

Like most families, we're trimming our holiday budget, trying to economize in any way we can. My good financial intentions fell by the wayside, though, when I saw the Christmas tree at my youngest kids' preschool the other day. It was decorated with tiny colored lights and pairs of red and green paper mittens; each set of mittens had on it a needy child's Christmas wish.

The wishes weren't extravagant. A 5-year-old asked for "any toy." A 14-year-old wanted a set of extra-large fleecy pajama bottoms. A tween asked for a scarf, gloves, and a hat. Several teens each requested a gift certificate to a fast food place; one child asked for a gift card to a local grocery store.

My heart broke. I wanted to gather up all the mittens from the tree and buy everything I could. But of course I couldn't. Instead, I picked five sets of mittens -- one for each of my own five kids -- and started to think outside the box.

Great deal: Restaurant.com gift certificates -- for free!

I've used Restaurant.com a few times, to score bargain-priced gift certificates for friends and family. There are plenty of places to choose, from family-friendly fare to ethnic cuisine. Save even more by using their promo codes (keep an eye for the latest on Mir's great shopping blog, Wantnot.net -- right now, "SAVE" gets you 80 percent off your order), but even without a code a $25 gift certificate only costs $10. Which means you can treat your crew to dinner without making much of a dent in your wallet.

For a limited time, Restaurant.com is letting anyone and everyone send $10 gift certificates to anyone else in the U.S. -- for free. Feed It Forward 2009 is a great way to spread a bit of holiday cheer easily and affordably. The program runs through Christmas; go to Restaurant.com to search for offers in your (or your best friend's) area.

Taking every opportunity I can find

I recently decided that I was going to consider every single career opportunity that came my way. Even the ones that I knew I couldn't manage would get a closer look, just in case it turned out that there was some way for me to glean some good out of it.

I don't know if it's a case of The Law of Attraction or what, but now that my eyes are open, the opportunities are everywhere.

Granted, they're not all fabulous. In fact, some of them are awfully close to working for free. But each one reminds me that there's more than one way to achieve a goal, more than one path to success, more than just the one shape I thought my career would or should take.

At The 36-Hour Day, I'm sharing what I've learned about looking for opportunities.

I get a lot of pitches from PR people. It was tempting to look at the emails and field the phone calls and think, "I'm too busy to deal with this right now." When I stopped doing that, I started noticing that some of those interruptions were opportunities in disguise.

I talk a lot about the importance of networking, and I decided that I needed to make sure I was walking the walk, too. So I brushed up my LinkedIn profile and sent out some requests for recommendations and made sure I had different versions of my resume ready for targeting different clients. And you know what? It turns out that who you know really does matter as much as (or more than) what you know.

I stopped expecting instant gratification -- at home and at work. It was making me feel unsatisfied and resentful, and I need to be inspired and motivated. I had been thinking, "That'll take too long, it's not worth starting at all." But as one of my favorite bloggers, Mary Alice, points out, perserverence pays off. If you keep reaching, you'll get where you want to go but if you don't, then you definitely won't.

Will Rogers was right: Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

*Knock Knock*

A pre-k take on the meaning of Thanksgiving

My youngest kids' have been learning about Thanksgiving at preschool all week, and today was the main event: pajama day and a party, with a traditional Thanksgiving "dinner."

When we arrived this morning, bearing stuffing and rolled-up slices of turkey from the deli (much easier to serve in a classroom!), I noticed a list on the wall near the cubbies. Every line was a different color, and it was topped with bright orange letters: "I Am Thankful For..."

I expected a rundown of toys and TV shows, but it seems that my daughter's pre-k classmates have taken the literal meaning of Thanksgiving to heart. Almost all of them said they were thankful for their family -- mom and dad, siblings and pets. My little girl said that she's thankful for "my big sisters and brother," which makes me feel like we might be doing OK with this blended-family thing.

The meal was provided by the parents, of course. Because if we followed the "instructions" written up by our pre-kindergarteners, we'd be laughing too hard to eat. Here's their take on how to make Thanksgiving dinner (thanks to their teachers for letting me share it!):

First, you'll need to go to the farmer's market to get a turkey. Once you've picked a fat one, bring it home and put it in the oven. Turn the dial up to 10 and leave the turkey in the oven for 8 minutes.

You'll also need to make a pumpkin pie to go with the turkey. To make pie, get the can with the slice of pie and and cream on the front. You can find it at Market Basket. Mix the can with powder, sugar, and baking soda. Put the mixture in a pie dish and put it in the oven with the turkey, for the same amount of time (8 minutes).

While you're at Market Basket, buy corn, beans, squash, mashed potatoes, cranberries, and stuffing. Put the stuffing in a bowl or on the turkey.

While the turkey and pie are cooking, set the table with silverware, plates, napkins, and cups.

If you have time, you might want to make some turkey decorations with paper and paint to put on the table. Take your time and do one load at a time. If you get confused, just look on the fron or the back for directions.

Enjoy. Happy Thanksgiving!

Sounds delicious to me. Happy Thanksgiving! What are you and your kids thankful for this year?

Just in time for Thanksgiving...

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, no question about it. All the togetherness -- and all of the food -- and nothing to wrap (or unwrap) but leftovers.

Big gatherings are a major source of stress for many people, though, and for busy people who already have plenty on their plates, cooking a 20-pound turkey and dealing with guests from out-of-town is enough to bring on the agita.

Relax. Take a deep breath. Here are a few tips for a low-stress -- maybe even "stress-free"? -- Thanksgiving, whether you're the guest or the host.

If you're spending the holiday elsewhere:

1.) Ask your host or hostess what you can bring. If they say, "Oh, nothing. Just yourselves!" ignore them and bring something anyway -- just make sure it's easy to consume, so it doesn't end up gathering dust (and adding stress). A bottle or two of wine (The Wine Trials can help you choose), something for brunch the next day (even if you won't be staying the night), or an easy-to-serve hors d'oeuvre are good choices.

2.) Keep the kids entertained. There are plenty of travel toys to keep tots happy, and all of them work just as well indoors as they do in the car. Worst case scenario: Bring your kids' favorite DVDs and a portable DVD player.

3.) Offer to help. Your hostess may not need an extra set of hands in the kitchen beforehand, but chances are there'll be plenty to do once the dishes have been cleared.

If you're hosting Thanksgiving at your place:

1.) Know thyself. Are you the kind of cook who goes for the tried-and-true when company comes? Or do you pick up a cookbook and try something new? Either way, figure out what you want to serve well before the big day, so that you have plenty of time to shop and don't have to deal with the added stress of crowds at the store.

2.) Outsource the bird. Many high-end grocery stores offer ready-made Thanksgiving dinners with all the fixings; make the fixings yourself, but consider having them do the turkey. It may take up a bit of space in your fridge, but it'll free up the oven on Thanksgiving Day, and you'll be grateful to have one less thing to juggle.

3.) Freeze the baked goods. Breakfast goodies (pumpkin bread), dinner staples (rolls), and traditional desserts (apple pies, cakes, and pecan pies) freeze well, so if you're inclined to bake, you can do so days or even weeks before the big event. Don't freeze your pumpkin pie, though; the filling gets watery, which makes the crust gummy, which isn't a stress reducer at all.

4.) Do as much as you can in advance. There are many, many wonderful side dishes for which you can do most of the cutting and chopping and measuring ahead of time.

5.) Don't sweat the decor. I'm sure I'm not the only one with no time to decorate. You can create a lovely tablescape with a scattering of small pumpkins or gourds, a big bowlful of shiny red apples, a cluster of tapered candles, or even a vase of brightly colored (fake) fall foliage.

6.) Keep it simple. If you're feeding a large group of people, consider having a buffet rather than a traditional sit-down dinner. Don't knock yourself out with complicated appetizers; a plate of great cheeses and different types of crackers, bowls of spiced nuts and salty olives, or slices of a savory bread are just as good.

Need more information or ideas? Here's a round-up of Thanksgiving-related articles I've written for Work It, Mom!, just in time for Turkey Day!

Quick and easy Thanksgiving side dishes

A round-up of Thanksgiving guides online

A day-by-day Thankgiving planner (Bookmark it for next year!)

Thanksgiving on a budget: Do more with less

More than just turkey: Make the most of those Thanksgiving leftovers

Black Friday: Tips for scoring the best deals

Do you have the energy to manage your stress?

I usually gripe about not having the wherewithal to exercise, to sleep, to make time for myself. Turns out I'm not alone. The same survey by the American Psychological Association that took a look at teen stress levels shows that 75 percent of adults reported experiencing "moderate to high levels of stress" in the past month, and 42 percent said that their stress levels have increased in the past year. And more and more people don't feel like they have the energy to deal with it.

According to the study:

47 percent of respondents report that they have lain awake at night
45 percent report irritability or anger
43 percent report fatigue
40 percent report lack of interest, motivation or energy

Nearly a third of respondents report headaches, feelings of depression, and sadness; 27 percent blame stress for their upset stomachs and indisgtestion.

Though more of us are experiencing stress, fewer of us are willing to do much about it, the survey found. Some -- as many as 44 percent -- reported exercising or walking to relieve stress, but more people listen to music, read, watch TV or movies, or play video games to relax.

At The Wall Street Journal's The Juggle, Helen L. Coons, a clinical psychologist and a fellow of the APA, suggests that one reason people don't tackle the long-term job of managing their stress is that they feel they don't have enough time to do so. "We need to “reframe ‘self care’ as something that is not selfish,” she said.

When you were a kid did you ever over-wind your watch or your wind-up toy, to the point where you jammed the gears and the darn thing didn't work anymore? (I'm totally going to assume here that you are about my age, and your first watch was not digital.) Well, that's what we're doing to ourselves now: We're so used to running full-tilt into walls, working and living and trying to juggle our careers and our families, that the idea of taking time to take care of ourselves seems selfish or unimportant.

It's more than just "me" time. It's "me" management.

I'd ask you if you're stressed, but that just seems silly -- of course you are, some days more so than others. Instead, I want to know how you manage your stress. Do you do something active, like exercise? Do you do something passive, like eat? How do you unwind after a long and stressful day?

Do kids have the right to peacefully protest?

A 10-year-old Arkansas boy is refusing to say the Pledge of Allegiance at school until our country does a better job of living up to its ideals.

“I've always tried to analyze things because I want to be lawyer,” Will told The Arkansas Times. “I really don't feel that there's currently liberty and justice for all.”

You know what? I think he's got a great point.

Most of us grew up reciting the Pledge of Allegiance automatically every morning at school. But how many kids take the time to think about what it really means?

The Pledge of Allegiance has been an American tradition since September 8, 1892, when a Boston-based magazine called The Youth's Companion published the recitation, originally called "The Pledge to the Flag," and suggested it be read as part of the next month's Columbus Day celebrations. It read: "I pledge allegiance to my Flag, and to the Republic for which it stands: one Nation indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all."

The Pledge was published anonymously and was not copyrighted; it is thought to have been written by Francis Bellamy, a Baptist minister who was forced to leave his church because of his Socialist sermons. The beginning of the Pledge was changed in 1924 to "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America," and the controversial "under God" was added in 1954.

Arkansas News columnist John Brummett points out that forcing kids to recite the Pledge of Allegiance "is, in fact, kind of antithetical to our very principle of constitutionally guaranteed liberty.... a mass forced pledging of nationalistic allegiance is, when you really think about it, a perversion of the greater notion that we love and support our country by our own choice and for the very freedoms it grants us."

In October, after analyzing the text and asking his parents whether he was legally obligated to participate (he's not), Will decided to remain seated and silent when his class recited the Pledge of Allegiance. The substitute teacher asked him to stand; he respectfully refused. This went on for four days, until the teacher got angry with him; Will told her "With all due respect, ma'am, you can go jump off a bridge." He was sent to the principal's office.

Will's peaceful protest has drawn ire from some pretty predictable sources. Other kids, of course -- classmates focused on the fact that he thinks gays should have the right to marry say he's "a gaywad." But he's also been slammed by more than a few adults for being disrespectful, disobedient, and unpatriotic. The comments on The Arkansas Times piece are mostly supportive, but among them are quite a few that were surprisingly vitriolic. "I remember this type of disrespect being in vogue among the lower class black kids at my high school, but I never expected to see it from a middle-class white kid," a commenter named "Ray" wrote. (Click on the "Your Comments" tab to read them.) "If you don't stand for the flag and the Republic for which it stands, you don't deserve freedom of speech," writes "Wayne." "To the parents I say 'United States of America, Love It Or Leave It, and take your little brat with you', " commenter "Monroe" added.

There's the irony, as far as I'm concerned: Exercising one's right to freedom of speech in order to insult a child for exercising his. Insisting that a kid shouldn't be free to disagree because doing so is disrespectful of the flag and everything it represents -- including freedom.

"Just because he's 10 years old doesn't mean he doesn't have opinions," Will's father, Jay Phillips, told CNN recently. "It doesn't mean he doesn't have rights and doesn't mean that he can't make a difference."

Parents, what do you think? Is civil disobedience a tool to be used by adults only, or do children have the right to peacefully protest? Where's the line when it comes to freedom?

"Little Lady"? That's a big problem

When I was looking to buy my first car, nearly 15 years ago, I was just a year out of college and thought I knew everything. I especially thought I was on firm footing when it came to cars, since I had just spent two years editing automotive stories in upstate New York. I did my research, took several test drives, knew what I wanted, knew how much the car -- a sleek Nissan Altima -- had cost the local dealer, knew how much it should cost me.

Even though I'm a feminist by default, on some level I must also have known that it would be a struggle to be taken seriously, because I brought a male friend along with me. He did not know anything about cars, aside from the fact that you put gas in and they go. He had never bought a car before, and wasn't interested in buying one. He agreed to come with me mostly because he had nothing else to do that day.

I'm sure you can guess what happened.

The dealer zeroed right in on my friend, and ignored me. Even when my friend tried to redirect the attention, the dealer pitched the car to the man who wasn't buying it, and brushed off the young woman who was. I'd ask about gas mileage, and he pointed out the vanity mirror. I asked about testing, and he walked me over to a wall of paint chips. I asked a question about the engine, and he told me that I shouldn't "worry your pretty head about things like that, Little Lady."

Still, I wanted that car. So I sat down at the table with the guy and made my offer.

He countered with a number that even my friend, who hadn't done any research, could tell was way too high.

I pulled out my printouts. I politely told him that I'd done my research, and knew what the car cost, and my offer had been very fair.

He put one large hand on top of my papers, leaned over the table until he was in my personal space, and said, "Little ladies who study too much miss the party."

I told him that arrogant salespeople who condescend too much miss the sale, and walked out of the dealership.

Fast-forward 15 years.

While my "Little Lady" experiences are less frequent now -- possibly because I a.) have more gray hair and b.) less patience -- they still happen. And I'm not alone. The words themselves don't actually get spoken, but the attitude is the same. A mortgage rep who insisted that he wouldn't process my refi application because my husband doesn't own our home (I bought on my own it before we were married). The husband of an extended family member who told me he had a tip for "the man who pays the bills" (I do, I'm the breadwinner). The cable guy who insisted on hooking up the DVD player for me, because I'm "a girl" (he did it wrong). The bartenders who push my neat scotch over to my brother and hand me his jack-and-ginger instead.

It's infuriating. If you're both aggressive and competent then you're a bitch, but if you're polite and considerate -- and insistent -- you're a Little Lady who gets brushed off or taken for granted.

Do you still get the "Little Lady" attitude in this day and age?

Working mom + older kids = rediscovered social life

Earlier this year, I dove back in to the Mommy Dating Pool via a playdate with my youngest daughter's best friend and her mom. It's been really good, but lately we've decided to see other people. A lot of other people. And all at the same time.

Our daughters have entered the age of birthday parties. And, ye Gods, it is busy.

Since all of the kids in her class have birthdays right around the same time, my girl has had one or two parties nearly every weekend since mid-September, and my 3-year-old son has had his fair share, too. Which means that I've been socializing with the same group of grownups on a regular basis for the first time in years. And, in spite of the present buying and the ubiquitous pizza, I've been enjoying it.

While our kids play and stuff themselves with cake, we parents have gotten a chance to advance past the potty-training and milestone-marking stories, sharing instead the ups and downs of working motherhood. (Though a few of party-circuit regulars are dads, it's mostly the moms who are ferrying the kids around on the weekends.) It's difficult to take time for ourselves, as many of my readers over at Work It, Mom! will attest, so why not take advantage of the time we spend together by default?

It was my turn to host about a month ago. Back in April, I was wondering how to handle the birthday party dilemma; I ended up inviting my daughter's entire class to her 5th birthday party. And I did it again just two weeks later, inviting my 3-year-old's entire class to a pre-trick-or-treating birthday party on Halloween.

It was chaotic, and I was stressed about cleaning the house, but oddly enough, that was the only thing I was stressed about. My children had fun, their friends had fun, and I finally felt able to reciprocate for all of the parties and play dates my kids have gone to lately. But it was also an opportunity to host my new friends and introduce them to the rest of my family.

And it was great. I finally feel like I have a social network again, and I like it.

Do parents of biracial kids face special challenges?

When social scientist Marion Kilson's children were born, in the 1960s, she assumed that they would identify as African American, like their father, not European American like herself. "I was still in graduate school," she remembers. "I wrote my term paper on slave revolts. I assumed my children would be identified as African American, and I wanted them to know that not all African Americans had been gospel about their slave status."

Her friend and fellow social scientist Florence Ladd, on the other hand, says that she didn't have expectations about her child's race in his early years; it was her stepson, who is white, who "made me think about his future and racial identification in infancy."

In their book, Is That Your Child? Mothers Talk About Rearing Biracial Children, Kilson and Ladd discuss the challenges facing parents in a multicultural world; the two hosted an open-to-the-public discussion about the race and identity this morning (Nov. 19) at The Advent School in Boston.

"It's not just about the issues, really, it's about the relationships," Nancy Harris Frohlich, head of The Advent School, says of the discussion. Founded in 1961 on a social justice platform, about a third of the students at the school are people of color. "All learning and dialouge is built upon understanding one another and relationships."

"We want to help people to feel comfortable with diversity," Kilson told me. She and Ladd see the event as "a way of heightening awareness for people who are not necessarily biracial or multiracial, but are interested in preparing their children to be engaged and live comfortably in a multicultural world."

Kilson, who is European American, and Ladd, who is African American, had known each other for 40 years but had never really talked about their experiences parenting biracial children before, Kilson says. They talked to about 25 Boston-area parents while working on Is That Your Child?, and they kicked off their research by interviewing each other.

Kilson and Ladd focused on mothers rather than fathers ("We just felt that was really that a man would do better than we could," Kilson says) and decided not to touch on racial issues faced by adoptive parents. The parents they spoke with were from different generations, but most were upper middle class and all were from the United States. "Growing up in this society, we have a different take on race," Kilson says.

"Americans have a hard time seeing relationships when their skin color is different," she continues, talking about the times when her daughter, whose husband is Scottish, has been asked if she's the nanny of her lighter-skinned child. (Though I've never thought of myself as belonging to one race or another, I can't even count the number of times people have asked, "So, what are you?" or asked if my kids all have the same father.)

Older generations tend to be more focused on the racial differences between a parent and a child, Kilson points out, even if they don't intend to be negative. She doesn't think it's possible to raise a truly color-blind child in American society -- I agree -- but younger people, who are more comfortable with race and diversity, navigate this multicultural world with ease. It's all they've ever known.

"I perceive that, for our children, they didn't have a public choice about racial identity, whereas for our children's generation, their children have a choice about affirming all of their identities," Kilson points out.

And the possibilities are endless. "When children see themselves in public figures as well as teachers -- that hope flows through them as well," Frohlich says. "We do expect children to value one another as individuals, regardless of ethnicity."

Do you think parents of biracial kids face special challenges in today's society? How would you handle it if someone questioned your relationship or asked if you're the nanny simply because your skin color is darker or lighter than your child's?

Study: Teens are stressed, but parents don't seem to notice

A new survey by the American Psychological Association says that teenagers are more stressed out than ever before. But their parents, for the most part, haven't noticed.

According to the survey, which was released Nov. 3, pressure at school and financial problems at home have had a greater impact on high school-age kids than parents believe.

Forty-four percent of teens said they under pressure to do well at school, but just 34 percent of parents think their kids feel that way, the survey showed. Thirty percent of teenagers surveyed said they were worried about their family's financial situation, while only 18 percent of parents thought that their kids were stressed about it.

Teens were also more likely than their parents to report that their stress levels had increased in the past year; 45 percent of teens age 13 to 17 said that they worried more this year, while only 28 percent of their parents said that they thought their teens were feeling more stress. Parents who were surveyed also tended to downplay the severity of their teenagers' stress, with less than 5 percent rating their child's stress as extreme, compared to 28 percent of teens who felt they were severely stressed.

And, as it does with adults, stress seems to be taking a physical toll on our teens. They report having headaches, difficulty sleeping, and changes in appetite -- which seems to come as a surprise to their parents. While 49 percent of teens said they find it hard to sleep because of stress, only 13 percent of parents observed it in their kids.

The APA’s executive director for professional practice, Katherine C. Nordal, PhD, says “It’s clear that parents do not fully appreciate the impact that stress is having on their kids" and that parents' reactions to their kids' stress levels are in line with earlier research about parental perceptions of teen behavior. "Parents often under report drug use, depression and sexual activity in their children. Now it appears the same may be true for stress.”

Over at Boston.com's Child Caring blog, I'm wondering how much of the disparity is because we, as parents, are so consumed by our own stress that we forget how it felt to be a teen. You couldn't pay me enough to go through adolescence again; as far as I'm concerned, those were not my salad days. Sure, the pressure to fit in at school may seem small now, but if you think about it, how much time and energy and money do we spend following trends and wooing friends as adults? To a teen, acing a test is as stressful as facing an in-depth performance evaluation at the office. And, as for the economy... of course they notice what we're up against. While we're stressing about how we'll manage with less money, or kids are worrying about the same thing.

Parents of older children, please weigh in: Are your teens and tweens stressed out? Do you think our stress is rubbing off on our kids?