Thursday, March 5, 2009

So. When are you going to have another kid?

Parents of only-children aren't the only ones who get asked this question; moms of more-than-one and even moms of many get it, too: When are you going to have another child?

Here’s the thing: The people who ask this know that my husband and I have five children, but that I only birthed the last two. Which means, in their minds, I’ve only got two kids. So… when am I going to go for “Number Three” seems perfectly valid, to them.

Except “Number Three” would actually be “Number Six” and that’s a freaking lot of college tuition to plan for. Especially given the fact that our oldest will be entering college the same year that our youngest starts kindergarten. ... [More]

In discussing the question in the comments at The 36-Hour Day, I finally figured out what bothers me so much about it. It's not the presumption that I'm longing for more kids (or, as is the case for some people, that they absolutely don't want any more children), but the fact that the question discounts my relationship with my older kids, who are mine by marriage. As I responded to one reader: It's as if they're saying that the only kids that “count” are the ones I give birth to, when I don’t feel that way at all.

What do you think? Weigh in here or at The 36-Hour Day.

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